I had such a similar experience just about 2 weeks ago. I didn't go back for a week and drank every single day for I think it was 5 or 6 days before I went back to a meeting. I too know I have a problem but frankly I too am struggling with not wanting to quit.I still really like the idea of escape, but you might need to come to your bottom. I heard someone say though last weekend at a meeting that your bottom is only as far as you dig it. Good Luck!

Good for you for going. It'll most probably take a few meetings to make up your mind.

There is no requirement to be sober at a meeting that I know of, as long as you are not disruptive. The thing with meetings is if you can relate and want what the people there have the tempation to drink can become less appealing compared to the hope of a new way of life shared at the meetings. I didn't have to hit bottom with alcohol to attend AA, I wanted the spiritual experience and to make the most of my life before alcohol lead me to destroy my life in the form of an accident or continuing to tear myself down.

Hi, I've been in AA for about two years now... and sober for 19 months. I'll tell you what my experience was. When I got there, I didn't think I needed AA.

Never once did it cross my mind that I or should stop driking. Nor did I wanted to stop...

I did like the people in there though. What I liked the most is that nobody judged me, nobody wanted anything from me. I had gotten to a point where all my friends where sick of me and my mess ups, and also, I preferred being left alone so that I could drink and drug as much as I wanted.

I couldn't identify at all in the beginning with what I heard. I didn't think it was for me... But I still went to meetings here and there, and I was still drinking.

About a month later, I got so depressed... eventually my doctor put me in a dual diagnosis unit. At first, I had the same attitude, I didnt think I belonged there. I thought everyone else was worse than me and that I didnt really need this. After a few days I started paying attention to what was going around me. Started identifying with the feelings. I still didn't think I was an acohololic, or that I could stop drinking and drugging, but I just wanted to be happy again - which I hadnt been in a long long time.

So for the first time in my life, I stared to listen to what the staff was telling me.

The only people who came to visit me in there where people from AA. Brough me food, talked to me, etc.

When I got out, I went back to AA and I figured it won't hurt to try... I relapsed a few times, but now I'm sober over a year. And my life is better than it has ever been.

Only you can decide if AA is for you or not. AA helped me so much, it think it would help you too. There's one thing for sure though... AA will defintely not hurt you... Like you said, you don't have to stop drinking to go to AA. It works better if you do :), but it's ok if you keep drinking and go, if this is all you can do right now. Also, try not to think about stopping forever. Just think about one day. See if you can get through one day...

Good luck!!

I am w/ you, on not wanting to stop or thinking i don't have to BUT i have hit my bottom several times and will again, as long i chose to drink. It is horrible, the agony, the shame, hangovers, broke, weak, tired. I pray that you will keep returning to mtg. There are sooo many wonderful people that are friends of Bill's, and i hope you remain one. God bless.

I admire your honesty and your very matter-of-fact outlook. I'm glad you tried AA, I'm glad you're going to try again. Hopefully you'll hit your bottom sooner rather than later. I say that with love, your bottom doesn't have to be the grave...for some it is.

I'm not aware of any rule that you have to be sober for the meeting, you just can't drink for the length of the meeting is my understanding. Best wishes to you whatever you decide to do.

True some ppl have to hit rock bottom and some ppl have to die. it is a fact of alcoholism. Myself i had to hit rock bottom the thing is with that that it can be very dangerous. so good luck to you and prayers.