i guess there is a question i need to find a answer to, ever since i was a child ive always being different, and i mean very different, maybe my wires got all tangled up from the start, coz i was a very antisocial child, i would sit on the bench in the play ground and not talk to no other kids, most of the lunch time i spent in the school toilets literally pulling my hair out, i was bullied for years, my dad always told me i was weak coz i never stuck up for myself, maybe if id just stand my ground i would of being different now i would have more bloody confidence, more prospect to life coz i wake up and my head goes round round and round and thats when i AM SOBER, WHEN IM SOBER IM ANGRY AT THE WORLD ANGRY AT EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WALKS PAST ME , im angry that i managed to lose all my friends who i did have coz of my lies and all i feel is this strong sense of loneliless, even at home, i sit with my mum and dad and im still alone, we drifted apart, my lil sis , i guess iv always envied her she has looks , friends popruality, i treat her like shit and i dont mean to,i love my family to pieces but y the hell cant i show it to them, my mum and dad try to kiss or guh me and i back off, im not really a giver ,i admit iv always being a taker, me me me, i have not once done a good thing for my family except disgust them,after comin out of a god damn nuthouse i cant look ne1 in the eyes, at that time i lost it, i was drinking all day and also antidepressants n sleepers n i just lost it, i was shouting in the street at my mum calling her names, trying getting drunk so bad that all i wanted was a car to hit me,im still tired these days coz of those god damn sleepers, i had acouple of lapses recently, i ended up drinknig on my own,but every1 someone walks past me i hide my bottle from them hoping they dont see it, i guess there r know more hiding places for me to drink,iv being going aa long enuff to know that i need a sponsor n work the 12 steps but iv lost trust in people , sharing my darkest secrets to a stranger i jus cant do it, iv had a sponsor but i walked away, now i sit in meetings and im even angry at aa, no one reallly acknowledges mew , it isnt them , its ME , i feel disconnected from life,
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