I've been having this weird thought creeping around in my head that all the time I was drinking I was a fraud. I was pretending to be what people saw on the surface, a young, healthy, independent person with goals, aspirations and the ability to achieve them. I have a decent home, a decent car, a good relationship.....but what I really was, was a miserable drunk, hiding in my house. If I ever had to go anywhere after 4 or so in the afternoon, all I could do was think about when I would be done so that I could go drink. I spent my days in a hurry to get my responsibilities out of the way so that I could get down to drinking. I drank at home so the only people who ever had to see that side of me were mmy immediate family. I never called anyone or invited anyone to my home because it interfered with my drinking. Yet through all this, I maintained a facade of normality. Yup, I was a fraud. It feels good to actually BE the person people are seeing......finally.
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