Sometimes I really liked the power of alcohol. I almost would relate to it as riding the dark side for a night. At times I would have unreal confidence, a massive ego, and nothing seemed like it could get in the way. It sometimes helped me get through situations that if i was sober I would run for the hills from. It almost seemed to good to be true and I had found the solution to life. There came a point in my life where I was finally having some sober confidence for the first time ever. I was going after things that normally would excite anxiety in me. This was a time when I was considering dropping the alcohol for good, because I felt I didn't need it anymore and sober life was grand. However, the dark side was tempting at that point, and now with sober confidence the idea of drinking seemed like I'd be superman lol. It ended up backfiring on me and I lost it all, drunk and sober. I think my pride became so false and high that god decided I had enough fun and it was time to be shot down, and man was I miserable and resentful when that happened. I am having to learn to do things now soberly with spirituality and courage, all from scratch, but I think it is so much more rewarding this way to do things with honesty. I was seriously caught up in the mirage of alcoholism and thinking it was the key to life, when it was slowly killing me mentally and physically. The dark side is not a road I'm willing to gamble with anymore although I did have some fun while I was over there too lol.
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