so ive tried to give up alcohol and drugs and it just doesnt work for me, i carry on i feel like crap and carry on, so i think i cant have tried properly and then i fail again and then i think well i need better willpower, i obviously dont want to stop or id stop, and then i start justifying myself thinking, well im still at uni and im just getting my work done even though im repeating this year i think thats ok im getting through it, and then i think well im not taking drugs every day just having a drink which is some how ok but it really isnt is it, so i know i should go to a meeting ive heard it so many times but i wont go, i dont know if ill ever win this battle with myself not the drink or the drugs but me! coz im the one who is stopping me, i wont do the right thing i wont take advice, its just ridiculously stupid! so maybe i havent hit my rock bottom but how low do i have to go , i really dont want to go any lower, ive been told you have to surrender, i have to be like i cant do this, which is in the back of my head but im a stubborn fool!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??