To all those on this board who have encouraged me to give AA a shot for the past 6 months, thank you. Im sorry my stubborn arse fought and bickered with you all the way, and I apologize for the countless times I may have hindered someone elses journey by insisting it was not the only way to suceed. I still maintain that it is possible to achieve and remain strong in sobriety without it, but boy oh boy - it really really helps to go along to an AA meeting and realise that you're not alone in this big wide world. It would seem that I'm, not any sort of weird arse freak who will never manage to get this right, Im not the only person who has ever felt the way I do, and Im certainly not the only one who has ever stuggled with finding the desire to stop drinking. Theres lots of us! I spent the last 6 months working through a 12 step manual with my Pastor and it helped, it really did, but it got frustrating because he just didn't understand. He couldn't pick which direction my brain was taking off in, he couldn't "get" it. The people in fellowship at AA do "get" it! They actually understand me, Im not any different, my decision making processes are not unique, Im just.....an alcoholic... Not so scary anymore! I feel really blessed that God finally granted me the strength and courage to want to do something about this enough that I took that step and went to a meeting. Its taken alot of prayer for me to get to this point, but now I am in awe of the amazing people who are now available to encourage, support and teach me how to be a recovering alcoholic, living in todays world. If you think you can do it alone, you may be right... for awhile... I can't believe I am sitting here typing this...but go to a couple of AA meetings, its an eye-opener!

If ntohing else tonight, I learnt a quote that Im sure will stay with me.... When you feel life has dealt you a shit sandwhich, just remember that you buttered your own bread.

Sorry for rambling....