well iv decided after a long time of thinking things through that i definetely do not want to drink no more, i wanted to walk away from recovery as it was too painful, however im sick of tired of being sick and tired, im sicking waking up feeling that shame guilt, remorse and shame, im sick of telling myself that one dya my drinknig will b different and that il b able to drink like a lady, but i know deep down that it never will, i finally admit after 6 years that i am powerless over alcohol, my life is unmanagble wen im drinknig and that i jus cant stop wen i drink, and i always end up in prison, or police stations or hospitals, luckily i havent being in mental hospitals but that is a 'yet', iv being up my butt for so long know that its time to stop self pitying and start working the steps properly,iv always known that iv had a big problem with alcohol but i was scared to admit it , i was too scared to let alchohol go for all the wrong reasons, i drunk to escape form problems and my problems have jus got worser, i drunk to b confident but my confidence dissappeared and im now ready to walk away from alcohol for good, and believe me im never going back, i want to b happy and i know alcohol will never do that for me any more, im 100 % ready , now wat.......
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??