OK so for a bit of background.. I'm 21, I first went to AA when I was 19. I kept going to meetings for about 6 months (still drinking at least twice a week) and also attended another alcohol and drug facility in my area for counselling, activities etc. Nonetheless, after about 6 months I decided to go back out there and do more drinking. Needless to say, after about a year and a half, I had reached even lower down in the 'lift' (never goes up, always down) that is alcoholism. I really hit my rock bottom. I had been drinking heavily all weekend and then on the Sunday decided to go into the town with a friend for food. After about 3 hours of even heavier drinking, I blacked out and come to (I don't know how long I was out), collapsed outside a church doorway. Anyway, the next morning I just knew I had to go back to AA, and back to AA I went. I have shared this in some meetings and some people said that exactly the same thing happened to them. I always was very wary of the who spiritual side of the AA programme (which makes it obvious to me now why I couldn't stop in the first place), so I made a decision to keep a completely open mind this time to the spiritual side, and decided that my life depended on it. Since going back I have been praying daily, and for the first time feel a genuine gratitude to my sobriety, wheras before I saw it as something forced upon me by the people around me. It is early days yet (I have 8 days) but I have not felt this good in years. The compulsion to drink has not been with me today or for the last 8 days at all. I cannot believe how free I feel, and whenever I feel a bad thought come into my head, I identify what it is that is making me feel down, and every time so far it has been because of the way I am percieving things (e.g., being resentful of my friends because they can go out drinking when I can't), and when such a thing arises I remember what state I was in on Sunday and tell my Higher Power how grateful I am that I am sober today and do not have to feel that pain today. I am so happy today and so grateful. Just thought I'd share that with anyone. And if anyone is struggling, please take this as evidence that anyone can recover, if we keep an open mind and are truly grateful that we are sober today, for we could easily be drinking.
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