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I felt like a piece of sh*t waiting to be flushed down the toilet of life.

I gagged trying to swallow my last drink. It wouldn't go down.

It seems you need to.
Hope not.

For me to finally quit I had to taste the feeling better about everything, which I found more and more when I was sober. Eventually it wasn't an issue to me whether I wanted a drink or not it was just being happy and appreciating the chance at life as an adult. I have wanted it since but it is no problem to not get any. I feel lucky that I have not allowed myself to suffer with something that I can't have.

I don't think I would've quit drinking if I didn't hit a bottom. And I've hit quite a few.

But one thing that I've heard around the rooms and in the Big Book is that alot of alcoholics do not have to go to the lengths and bottoms that so many of us hit. I was stubborn in my early recovery because i kept trying to beat alcohol. Alcohol always won and kicked my ass. If someone questions whether they are alcoholic, chances are that they are.

Mel....you can call the place you are at now a bottom and begin to live recovery. It could be the best decision you ever make.

How deep do you want your bottom to be? It can be misery, financial ruin, wrecked health, or you can skip right to death.

I decided that I wanted to live.

Very well put Jacker.

Spiritually bankrupt and prison....and that was a high bottom for me. Didn't lose everything only lost myself.

iv hit my bottom, im miserable, you know in the bb where it says 'cant picture life with or without alcohol' thats where i am right now. i woke up from drinking today and realized how small my world really is, realized how much of a dishonest person i am and it made me sick to the stomach, i woke up from the floor, full of shame.
tom,orrow im going to call lyn and get started on these steps , no more excuses , no more bullshit.
like u guys say , its time for action.

Keep saying it till you mean it....like the saying goes "Fake it till you make it"

I have to continually remind myself of the madness of drinking...I mean I know that I can have this wonderful life sober or the hell of drinking, it is all up to me....Why in the heck do we chose to drink when life can be SO much better sober, its madness....I can name a lot of what I know it is BUT what it really comes down to for me is just making that chose everyday....
I do not want hell, I want to be happy, to have a life, to smile again.....
I really do not know all the ansawers, I still struggle but I hope one day it will, after the battle that the fight will be so much easier...I try to keep my faith in that and my HP...
I still believe that we have to have will power, and lots of support too....
You can do this Mel, just dont give up on you!

You can't think yourself into right acting, but you can act yourself into right thinking.

read my journal

i cant describe it but its like iv just woking up, thinking 'is this how i really what to be, theres a life out there n ive being existing, checking my mobile to realize i aint got much friends no more , coz i drove them away with my constant lies, realizing alot actually, but most of all realizng i have caused all this, i created all this drama in my life, n insisting it was other ppl , it was all a lie, i just didnt want to look at my part
bigbear i think im alone right now coz i created all this, i drove ppl away.
its time i grew up and b responsible, sobriety isnt going come to me , i needa go out there and take action.