Might not be a bad thing for your hubby to go to alanon.
All we have is a daily reprive based on our spiritual condition. Hazelden.com has a great website that explains addictions it's under employers on the site.

I'd love for him to go to al-anon but its not going to happen. There's nothing wrong with *him* after all. He's just fine, thank you very much.

I get that too, although mine is beginning to realize he isn't Mr. Perfect. Its more depressing when you don't get support from the person you live with. Yesterday I was asked 2 questions. Why do you drink? And What makes you Happy? It started making me think. Start with that, it helped me a lot.

I couldn't have explained what I was going thru any better than you just did....and that was one of the many reasons I drank.....I couldn't control him....I couldn't make him understand.....it stressed me so bad because I knew I was trying........I had been going to AA meetings and tried working the steps....But, I had not totally surrendered to my HP and let him take control of my life and the people in it....as soon as i let go....things started to settle, because there was a change in me...we are working these steps to find a way for a productive happy life it just takes time..

yes, i understand you far too well. in my family, we kept secrets- secrets that were devastating to not acknowledge and , as a result, 2 immediate family members dead; one, myself teetering on the edge. and like you, no support. in my case, ridicule and being disinvited to family functions.the secrets, they go on still, and no matter how many explanations from sponsors or medical personnel to my family, i am a freak still the same. i would like to have the strength to tell you what was said today but, quite frankly, if i wrote it down i might not survive it. our or my so-called family's opinions and secrets and judgements have killed those close to me. do i resent it? f--- yes, i resent it,there are people who should still be in this world but are not for exactly the reasons you stated above. and for all you spiritual pillars, i do not take back one g-d word i've said. i resent it. and, yes, that resentment will probably kill me. and that would be just fine with me. i would not have to live as i do any longer. i am tired. this time, i am tired of living. tired.... devonh

This is a problem that the founders recognized too; its been around since the beginning; and the answer is painfully simple - and simply painful. Your not here for him; your here for you. The founders said from the start "this is a selfish program" - and it truly is. Many of us have been down this road, and survived it, and you can too. Stick with the program, keep doing what's suggested and try to remember our spouses have heard every excuse in the book from us. When we suddenly speak the truth, they have NO good reason to believe us - it's going to take time - "Give time time". Good luck and God Bless. Rusty22

Rusty, I think you make some good points. I am definitely going for me. He seemed to think the whole AA thing was half-baked from the start and certainly didn't encourage me to go. He has however attempted to get me to moderate my drinking on numerous occasions. I suppose he would be skeptical of the program. I guess time will tell. The longer I'm in it and the better it works the more he will come to believe.

You know the REALLY great part? The longer your in the program, the better it'll work and the more YOU'LL believe !!! LOL LOL God Bless Rusty22

I went to a meeting again last night and I feel somewhat better now. It was a step meeting and we were on step 11 so all I did was read. I didn't feel like I had much to contribute to the conversation. There was a lady there who was really struggling and who had also been addicted to xanax like me. She had relapsed recently and really wanted a drink. One of the other members thought she wasn't sticking to the subject of alcoholism and got up and left. I stayed after the meeting and talked with her and another lady and it helped both of us. I did learn from last night's meeting the importance of prayer and meditation. I don't have the AA meditation book but I have another good one and I intend to read it this morning.

FIRST OF ALL, STOP GIVING HIM SO MUCH POWER, IS HE DIVINE? HIS IS THE SAME OLD RHETORIC ALCOHOLICS ARE CONFRONTED WITH DAILY.
HE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND SO DON'T TRY TO TEACH HIM EMPATHY. HIS SOUL IS NOT EVOLVED TO THAT POINT YET. DON'T ASK HIS ADVICE, APPROVAL, ETC. AND YOU WILL TURN THIS BROKEN RECORD OFF. INSTEAD, FOLLOW THE NEW PATH YOU ARE LOOKING AT NOW...YOU HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL..HE HASN'T!

Odds are, the person who left, was only looking for an excuse to leave in the first place. Stick with it - and with the winners! God Bless Rusty22

i agree with rusty you have to do this for you ,it will take time but you have that ,you are your main problem ,look after you ,just keep going to the meetings xxx