I had a real sad day today. Well now it's better but I started thinking back to when my sons were young and how I was drinking all the time and even tho I was in the house with them I wasn't really there for them and it hurt. I cried after these thoughts and asked my Higher Power to forgive me and to help me forgive myself. I did alot of things with my sons as I wasn't always drinking but I messed up in alot of ways. I have been drinking for 35 yrs. now and I hope to God I don't ever drink again. TODAY I REALLY FELT FEELINGS FOR ONCE WITHOUT DROWNING IT WITH ALCOHOL AND IT REALLY HURT TO FEEL THIS. I am happy that I have not touched a drink for 40 days now and I hope I get over these sad feelings. Not every day has been hard but the past is what hurts me the most. It's hard not to think of it either. I have lived in the past for years.I just want to heal now.
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