I posted when I went to my first AA meeting on Saturday. I have went to one every day since. I find them inspirational and uplifting. I have selected a potential sponsor, am reading the big book, etc. but today was just a sucky day. I didn't get enough sleep, work is overwhelming, husband is out of town, and kids are losing their minds. Anyhow, I know its not an excuse to drink but normally I'd be finishing a six-pack about now with a few (or more than a few) xanax and maybe some ambien thrown in. Something occured to me as I was driving home today - its gonna get worse before it gets better. My mind, body, and soul are worn out from the addictions but they are what I have to clean up the mess I made. When I talk about the mess I am specifically referring to my children. My substance abuse has prevented me from parenting effectively (i.e. consistent discipline) and now I'm left with little hoodlems that would drive a normal person to drink. If it weren't for DH's positive influence they'd be completely unmanageable. I'm trying not to overwhelm them with sudden discipline but to take it easy and be reasonable and consistent. I actually almost called one of the names on the list they gave me at the first meeting but I was able to drive right by the liquor store. I'm still so early in the program that things are a little shaky. I'm still not completely past that "urge to drink" stage. Anyhow, thanks for listening. At least I have something to say at tomorrow's meeting.
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