first of all, thank you for the hugs, messages, the love and concern. i felt your prayers and i am grateful to have some new friends. i was so lonely for so long. i am eternally grateful to my roommate for having bought this computer so i could be less isolated and even more connected to the recovery community. terrific as my sponsor is there were many hours filled with nothingness really. i had my driving privileges revoked (dui).i postponed my courtcase for i year as i decided- at my age- to go back to college and finish what i started many years before. i did. so, really there were 2 years of no driving with- in my area- no bus system i, also was laid off from a job i loved for 21 years and then there was the problem of my daughter-see journal- and so i was afraid. i felt alone as if i had only had that one hour a day when i was at peace (when my sponsor would drive over here everyday so that i could go to one meeting. he got sick (cancer) and i was so very overwhelmed.clever dic once asked me what came first, the drinking or the loneliness. i never answered him but i will now- the loneliness. alcohol took that fear away of not being good enough, of taking up too much space in this world, and, somehow i felt less lonely. even in adulthood i still felt like the little girl i once was standing outside and staring at a family i did not feel i belonged to; my nose pressed upon the window and just waiting, waiting to get invited inside.thank you my new friends for welcoming me and inviting me in from the cold and into the warmth of your love. devonh
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