So its been a tough day. The urge to have a drink has been intense. I had a rough day at work and the dreaded ex (the one that triggers my drinking) messaged me to say he was sending me a present... I have been doing really well so to get through it I have decided to write down the reasons why I love sobriety so far. Just to give me something to focus on.
1. My house has never been so clean! When I was drinking and considering quitting I had no idea what I would do with my time in an evening so instead I started making a to do list. I've been gutting cupboards, scrubbing down windows, cleaning things I didn't even know needed cleaned... My house was never filthy but I never realised it could be this clean.
2. I'm smoking so much less. When I drink I chain smoke. The two just kind of went hand in hand. My first day sober I never realised how sick smoking that much made me feel. So I have been smoking so much less to the point I think even quitting smoking could be in my near future.
3. I'm reading more. I've always loved reading and would spend my evenings doing it but the more I drank the less I would read. I always had a pile of books I would buy and never get around to reading them. I'm getting through at least one a week.
4. I have lost 2lbs in the last week and a half! The loss of calories from the booze has helped a lot obviously. But also when I was drinking I would be too drunk to cook properly and would just stick a pizza in the oven or something easy. Because I have the time now I have been teaching myself to cook from scratch so I am eating healthier. I have also started filling my time with exercise. I have a friend that is a personal trainer so I thought I would give exercise a go to fill my time and she sent me a personal training plan to do 5 days a week. I even find myself looking forward to working out. I was never overweight but I would say I was "frumpy". Since I stopped drinking I am more toned and have more muscle definition and energy.
5. I am more productive at work. Most work days involved me being useless for the first 4 hours waiting for the fuzzy head to subside. As a result I'd have to take work home and constantly be behind on deadlines. I now find myself being able to do all my work IN THE WORK DAY and get home on time to enjoy my own personal time to myself.
6. My mood has improved massively. The other day at work a co-worker asked me why I was in such a good mood. I was singing and dancing about work for no reason whatsoever. I was just in a REALLY good mood. It wasn't until my co-worker mentioned it that I realised I'd never been in that good a mood for no reason in years.
7. I have barely spent any money. Not just on alcohol but when I used to drink 7 days a week I would do drunken online shopping. I would buy stuff I don't need and because I was drunk I wouldn't question before hitting "add to cart". In this past week so far I haven't spent a penny except on a carton of milk.
8. I haven't done anything I regret. When I drink I do the standard typical "texting the ex" or saying too much to someone I shouldn't have. Even when my ex (the one that triggers me) told me he was sending me a gift earlier today, I didn't reply. Usually I would reply and get into a heavy conversation that would lead to me drinking but I didn't. I have control over these things now and as a result I have noticed I have better relationships with people. I started dating someone new about a month ago who recently went away on holiday for two weeks. He doesn't have phone connection where he is so I can't speak to him whilst he is away. Drunk me probably would have sent him 20 messages by now that would have scared him away when he read them when he got back. I can get really clingy when I'm drunk. Sober me sent him a "have a nice holiday" message and a message half way through saying "hope your having a nice holiday, looking forward to seeing you". Drunk me would have felt shame in all the messages I would have sent him when I had sobered up but cause I have been sober, I am feeling positive with not an ounce of shame.
I kept reminding myself of these things today because on the way home from work the urge to stop in past a shop and buy a bottle of wine was nearly unbearable. Reminding myself of all these positives helped me keep on walking until I got home and just made myself a nice cup of tea instead. All about the positive thinking right now.
I also haven't posted since the new year so I want to say I wish each and everyone of you a happy and sober 2017. I seriously hope for all of you that this is your year where everything turns around for you.
POSITIVE THINKING GUYS!
All the love. xx
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