Every thought of taking a break from him? maybe if you say that you don't wanna live with him he might relize

Cause if you can see it then it will get worse and you might end up in the firing line

I've left he's left it all stays the same. I'm going to a theripitist Monday to see if I can get away and stay away. I don't understand why I just cann't leave and never look back

That part is all up to you find whats keeping you there and cut off not as easy as it sounds aye

The Bid Book says we drink essentially because we like the effect produced. He sounds delusional. He's going to end a 11 year relationship because something tastes good. HA! I can't imagine anything tasting that good. But alcohol has more power and is stronger than even the love of my wife. That being said, he doesn't want to look at his problem. His alcoholic life seems the only normal one. My wife had to leave me. I had to lose everything to find myself. Now she's back but I don't take her for granted and I don't stay sober for her. Emotional pain is a great motivator. The first step is admitting. You've admitted that you have a problem, now what are you going to do about it? If nothing, then expect nothing different. Alanon has helped my wife tremendously. Not our relationship, but her. She's working the steps now and was able to detach with love. What action are you going to take for yourself? Your happiness comes first. It is only by loving yourself and putting yourself that you'll be able to have any meaningful relationships. You seem to be strong, stay strong and take action. You can love people to death. By detaching with love, you can continue to love him without loving him into the grave. Put yourself first.

Hey I think BillW advice sounds spot on! Im an alcoholic, and day by day I wonder how on earth my hubby puts up with me and my crap...but he does, and for that I am grateful. But I love him enough to see he needs the best for him too - and although it would rip my heart out, that may not be with me. You do what you need to for you, and let him worry about him.

Perhaps check out Al-Anon. I was in your situation once, and after trying to live with an alcoholic who was still practicing, I decided I just didn't want to learn how to do that, but I know Al-Anon has helped many.

I think beer tastes terrible, and it gives me a headache. Why is it like a status thing with some to " Go have a couple beers"?? It ruins peoples lives yet those people will keep doing it, jeopardizing everything they have worked for, their family life goes down the drain, and for what, a golden yellow, yeast tasting liquid.

Nowheregirl, it's a sickness/disease, that some have and others don't. Not one of us wants to be an alcoholic and to the point of it destroying our lives and those lives around us.

If you want to learn more about us, you can ask away, but don't judge us, because we aren't guilty, meaning this alcoholism that we possess was by no means premeditated. We will try our best to help you understand, tho we ourselves still don't get in entirely.

I live with an alcoholic also. I finally faced my disease about a month ago, but he still hasn't. I just decided that although I love him, I am not going to enable him. I won't buy his Captain for him anymore. I won't sit with him in our beautiful back yard while he smokes and drinks himself to death.

He has to want to quit drinking for HIM I can't convince him to do it for me. So I keep on loving him. Loving the things that I fell in love with and letting him figure his own way to sobriety. But I take care of me. I have to.

I have a pretty good idea why you have a hard time leaving without looking back. First of all, you probably remember the person you feel in love with and who he was before the addiction took hold. Good, bad or indifferent , there us a history between you which is never easy to walk away from. The other thing is that at one point or another his problem became your problem. His disease became your disease. I know, honey, I've been there. I thought if I just loved him enough...if I prayed...if I supported...if I looked the other way....somehow everything would work itself out and we would all live happily ever after. Well, it didn't work that way and it very seldom, if ever, does. When that didn't work out came the tears, the silence, the begging, the pleading...and on and on it went...I loved him until my heart broke. I didn't want to face the reality that I was not his priority and that I was basically playing "the other woman" to a beer bottle.

I haven't been a part of Al Anon for very long but long enough to learn the three C's...you didn't cause his alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. He has made it very clear that he is not ready to give the beer up and until he does, there is nothing you can do. You can beg, threaten, cry, plead, dish out all the ultimatums in the world but I can tell you from my own experience that it will do nothing except backfire on you and add more fuel to an already stoked up fire. He has got to want it for himself! Al Anon has saved my sanity one piece at a time because I am slowly learning who I am and what I do and don't want for my life and the lives of my children. Al Anon is helping me to learn to care for me and to get myself stronger because the reality is I am as sick as he is...which is the number one reason why I haven't left even above the love I have felt. Please seek out a local group and start going. If that is not an option there are some online avenues as well such as www.stepchat.com and there is a subgroup here at DS of Al Anon. As you are able, invest in their literature and read it daily. It will help you to apply it to your daily life. Al Anon is not there for you to fix your spouse...it is there to help you grow stronger!

Hi grayeyes,

Ask about co-dependency when you meet with with your therapist. It will help you understand why you keep going back to him.

Love & prayers

I drink diet coke now because i like the taste.But I dont sit down and drink a whole case of it .

we know our only marriage is to the bottle!

The reason that you cannot leave him is due to your co-dependency - try Alanon as others have suggested, it is the same for most people intimately involved with alcoholics.