"Just don't drink today,it'll pass."
It's what I've been told so many times.It does pass for that day,yet the day after and the day after that,the desire never subsides,it grows stronger until it beats me again,again and again.I know this is how I will die.I'm tired of fighting this,I'm tired of always being optimistic,tired of waiting for the day when the urge will pass,when I can awake to a new day and not curse the sunlight that shines through my bedroom blinds in the morning.
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AA scares me. Yes it's because I'm an alcoholic. I know this. I need to stop. But I honestly don't want to. I'm not in any legal trouble (yet) and I haven't lost anything due to drinking....besides a shoe or earring. The big blows haven't happened.....yet. I know if I get too comfortable it's all going to come crashing down. But I love drinking. I love the feeling. I love smoking while I drink...
Going on day 5 with no alcohol. I'm happy with myself for not giving in. A lot of things have happened to where I usually would've picked up the bottle. Little excuses to say, "oh god...I need a beer." No I wasn't drinking hard liquor, "just" beer. And I honestly am happy that I'm not drinking anymore. Sure I wasn't hiding it from my husband but I've been lying about how much I drink to my...
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