Poor me! I'm such a dumbass! I mean if I didn't go gamble five hundred dollars this past month that my dad sent me to help out, then maybe I wouldn't be so friggin broke and have my bills paid atleast and not be so worried about it. Maybe if I didn't pathetically call the abusive exboyfriend last night trying to get him to care, I wouldn't have been hurt again because he doesn't friggin care! duh! Maybe if I would just stick with the friggin program and take care of myself and get to more meetings and talk to people more I would feel better and less alone and depressed. Poor fucking me! I'm mad at myself. what the hell is my problem? I keep sabatoging things. I start to do really good and then fuck it all up somehow. I'm used to it. I'm comfortable there. I dont' know how to feel joy or contentment or happiness or hope. I'm not used to that shit. But I want to. Poor me, I got drunk again, poor me, I gambled all my paychecks and all my money and didn't get my bills paid. Poor me I didn't do what I said I was gonna do. I ate too much icecream lately and got fatter. Poor pitiful me. What am I gonna do with myself? I'm angry.
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