
Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

Herbalou
Have you got someone in your life for example a family member? I was going to say friends also but friends are easier to get rid of. But anyway you could include friends if it relates to you.
For instance this person has put you down from childhood. They gloated when you hit your rock bottom or they were pleased when your relationship fell apart. Anything you said was pushed to one side, because your opinion was not valid. You have been able to live a sober life, but this is painful for them because, they liked it when you were down and out. Now they still try to penetrate your life with their poison and you will not allow it. They speak of old stories to your friends, trying to discredit you. They cannot push your buttons anymore, but you think to yourself why does this person hate me? Why don't they want to hear the truth from my lips? They show more aggression now as they try to get others onside, but the others are not interested. How can some carry bitterness against someone that has done them nothing? It is still a confusing feeling, the thought that they wont sit down and talk it over, they just want a battle and to win a fight. But what is the fight about. Its funny that I can have compassion for this person, but they will have none for me.
I have tried talking to this person, but they do not listen. They just reply with defensive angry words, to hide the truth of what is causing them pain. They use me as the target to channel their failings. They need counselling they need to address their own problems instead of inflicting them on others.
For instance this person has put you down from childhood. They gloated when you hit your rock bottom or they were pleased when your relationship fell apart. Anything you said was pushed to one side, because your opinion was not valid. You have been able to live a sober life, but this is painful for them because, they liked it when you were down and out. Now they still try to penetrate your life with their poison and you will not allow it. They speak of old stories to your friends, trying to discredit you. They cannot push your buttons anymore, but you think to yourself why does this person hate me? Why don't they want to hear the truth from my lips? They show more aggression now as they try to get others onside, but the others are not interested. How can some carry bitterness against someone that has done them nothing? It is still a confusing feeling, the thought that they wont sit down and talk it over, they just want a battle and to win a fight. But what is the fight about. Its funny that I can have compassion for this person, but they will have none for me.
I have tried talking to this person, but they do not listen. They just reply with defensive angry words, to hide the truth of what is causing them pain. They use me as the target to channel their failings. They need counselling they need to address their own problems instead of inflicting them on others.
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
-
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
Trust me, it was ugly for awhile, my BIL resented my infringing on his "relationship" with his brother. I guess somewhere along the way he accepted that I wasn't going anywhere and he became more pleasant. It was a process, but in the end, my BIL actually decided he wanted to keep the relationship with his brother, even if he couldn't chastise him anymore. You might not have a wife willing to do that, so you might just have to do it yourself. Best of luck to you.
After her last visit, in Sep '07, after she raged at me for 4 days (she decided to stop smoking the day she arrived), I went into the rooms of Al-Anon (where I knew I always qualified to be in but thought surely my AA program would be enough).
I found my sponsor in there with 27 yrs sober in AA and 7 yrs recovery in Al-Anon. I began to learn to distance myself from my sister's destructive, manipulative behavior.
Well, I haven't been going to Al-Anon for 4 months; got busy in AA; and my old behavior with my sister kicked back in. Before long, I became irritable & intolerant with everyone around me but her! I'm back on track now but these family of origin relationships can be very insidious. I don't speak with her often at this point, though I love her, I must do so at a distance. I know today, that just because she chooses to remain sick (she knows there's a solution), doesn't mean I have to be there too. Recovery is for those who want it. I didn't sober up to be miserable & I refuse to be anyone's whipping post today. Great topic.
She acts like she's doing ok, then proceeds to suck me in with suicidal threats, etc. She is incapable of hearing the message at this point. Heartbreaking.
In my life, that person is my step dad. He's always been an abusive hostile man. There are times he will be so upset ( and no one will have any clue as to why) and I've asked him calmly if he would talk about things and he just leaves and slams the door as loud and tight as he possibly could. Then in 5 mins., he comes around and talks nice like nothing ever happened. But with no explanation, etc. It's always the same with him. It's all about control with him and he can have it... He hurts my mother and she pretends his behavior isn't happening. It's been going on for so long that one might think it would finally be accepted and just blown off so to speak. She may blow it off but it still hurts me. The only reason I can think of as to why he targets me is because I am the only child my mom has and we are extremely close ..(my brother was killed when he was 12 and I was 15). I have taken up for my mother when he has been mean to her. Oh well, at this point in my life, I keep as much distance between he & I as possible. I spend time with mom when he's out of town which is often. I've stopped questioning it. Too many years of my life were spent wanting it to change and I used to turn myself into a pretzel attempting a nice relationship, even turning the other eye when he was abusive. No more. His loss can't become my loss anymore. Meaning, I won't spend another nervous unhappy moment with or around him. There is just so much more to enjoy in this life. Why waste time slugging in the Tar Pit trying to clean off the nastiness of someone toxic when I can be flying high in peace and freedom and breathe? I hope you get some type of respect and acknowledgment about this person in your life. Just remember, it's not your fault they are miserable. You can't fix it. Just be you and be ok with that. Big hugs
I have since stopped talking to this sister last July 08.. i was asked once do you feel beter in her company or worse? I had to sit with that question for a while a few weeks actually... my answer was i feel better with out her in my life... so i stopped all contact... i am rebuilding my life with my mom and 2 other sisters and you know their all great ppl to have around.. we all opened up with how life to a tole on all of us and so far things are good... however, the oldest has nothing to do with us and us girls have nothing to do with her.. it is sad however thats how this story is going so far... maybe god has a plan for later as for now i am living my experiences my truths and my life... noone elses...
My suggestion make amends for anything in this relationship that was your resposibility even if it was only 1% of the problem. do not go into the amends process with expectations. Apologize and own your part. Do not expect them to apologize and do not try to discuss it or get them to change. Just clean up your side of the street and leave the rest in thier hands.
If nothing changes then form a set of boundries and do not let them cross those boundries anymore.
Also, when a person is so unhappy they cannot bear to see others doing well. I know that there are people in my life that are not comfortable being around others who want to be productive-it makes them look or feel lazy. It is like someone watching tv eating dorritos while the other person cleans the entire house-the person on the couch gets uncomfortable perhaps because they feel like a dud sitting there while someone else is accomplishing something. Make sense?