Hi. I understand completly. I did attend AA years ago I did feel great but became very uncomfortable with sober jerks. Meaning as long as I'm sober everything is OK, along with a heavy schedule with my children. I now am back drinking heavily and also don't know where to go, but have to do something. I also suffer from bipolar disorder as well. Please keep in touch maybe we can help each other.

Hi, I did it without AA too, I kept my friends and family well informed as I needed their understanding. It was not easy, but you are WOMAN, you have huge strength within you. Keep a detailed journal, that will help remind you of the good and bad times. I am English and our health service has a 24 hour hot line, I am assuming that as you speak of AA so naturally, that you are not. Packed schedules is no bad thing, you can't drink if you drive. You can't drink and think. You can't drink and take care of your family as they and you deserve. I did alone (alone with my Lord) I found courage in my weakness, determination and a stubborness that I didn't know I had. I am one year sober. I have had many disasters this year. I have never turned to drink, I face them square on and deal with them. Take a compound of multi B vitamins, they will help your brain. If I can do it, daft as I am, I'm certain that anyone can.

AA is a good organization but it is not for everyone. If you're a strong person already, you can tap into your resolve by perhaps taking up a study of an eastern body/mind exercise, such as yoga, or tai chi, or even a martial art to develop your focus and your natural meditative skills. These things make you strong within your own self so you don't have to subscribe to things you don't truly believe in. Keep looking around you, you'll find something. That activity, in itself, will keep you occupied to a degree that you won't have time to drink. That being said, as busy as we are, we HAVE to make time to take care of ourselves, or we won't be living long enough to achieve all the other things we think we have to.

Fenny, Here's a listing of alternatives to A.A.
http://members.aol.com/r2135/alternat.htm

Agnostic A.A. might also be an option -- besides being a refuge to those who find A.A. literature and most groups to be too religious -- it is often a place where those who find most A.A. groups to be too rigid and dogmatic go to.
http://www.agnosticaa.org/

Regular A.A. is also worthwhile to keep trying -- A.A. groups are autonomous, meaning in effect there is a wide variety of styles -- everything from Taliban versions of A.A. with lots of rigid dogma and shoulds and musts (all contrary to Traditions 3 and 4 - in particular please read the long form of these traditions (back of Big Book) and the corresponding chapters in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book) to ones that are quite open and free-thinking.

Good luck!
Jumiee

What are the tenets of AA that you have difficulty with. I know of other options, but I'm not sure what you issues are with AA, so that would be helpful. I've been sober for 10 years and I have become picky about meetings I go to, I do like women's only meetings. I do attend other groups as well. The internet is certainly an option these days to find a support community. I do know, I can't stay sober alone. Let me know what your issues are with AA and I may be able to help.

I think you should definitely try other meetings before you rule out AA. They are all SO very different. I really enjoy womens groups. I think nothing helps like being around other alcoholics- they understand us like no one else can. Meetings have helped me get to know and get the phone numbers of these people that have been the best and most supportive friends. A network of sober people is one of your most important tools in sobriety. I have had friends help me out in the middle of the night when I needed it. They are there 24/7. Please try different meetings- I think you may find what you are looking for.

hi fenny,

like seriphina, I'm curious about which of the AA tenets you find objectionable, and how many different meetings you've tried. I can only share my own experience...I stayed "dry" on my own willpower for 6 years, trust me I was miserable inside, isolated, tense, and generally a bigger mess than when I drank. It took a bigger crisis to push me to AA, where I can work on my approach to life. I am a single, working mom with 3 dogs, and I live 70 miles from my job. So I understand packed schedules. I also am not a religious person, although I am spiritually inclined.

I wonder if you should ask yourself honestly if the tenets of AA are just the ones you don't want to face or deal with, like self-inventory, or making amends, or even admitting that you are not the greatest power in the universe! I know for some of us outwardly successful woman, that last one is actually the biggest hurdle. I could admit that I was an alcoholic a lot easier than I could admit that I couldn't solve the problem without help.

Just my experience of course, and worth what you've paid for it! Best of luck regardless.

I sent this as a message to seriphina, but I probably should have just posted it as a reply here. So here goes.

I'm not terribly fond of the emphasis on powerlessness and that a power greater than ourselves is necessary. I am a religious humanist and therefore embrace the spiritual in humans, but emphasize human capabilities and potential. I don't believe a higher power can remove our shortcomings because I do not see humans as fundamentally flawed in such terms. We're simply human and therefore flawed by nature. Not that we cannot rise above our flaws, but I see that done through personal growth and communal relationships rather than petitioning a higher power.

I do think support networks are vital regardless of the problems and flaws in someone's life. I'm just not attracted to the AA groups I've seen in my area. For one thing there are not any women-only groups that I can find and that would definitely be a more comfortable environment for me.

While it is important not to forget the past, I'm also not one for dwelling on it. The description of various AA groups a friend of mine (sober 6 years) has relayed to me seems to indicate there is more weight put on character defects and wallowing in past mistakes rather than empowering through affirmation and focusing on a brighter future without alcohol.

I am certainly willing to give some AA meetings a try, but I'd also like to find out what else is out there and what other people have found effective.

Oh Fenny,

Have you read The Spirituality of IMperfection??? In my understanding of it, it promotes a perspective that is very consistent with yours AND that illustrates how that perspective it is woven through the AA philosophy. My attempt to summarize it here would not do it justice, so I'll just hope you read it.

As to the the language of flaws, character defects, and the like, I tend to agree with you, especially as I also suffer from depression. But there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I have developed habits of thought, ways of interpreting my emotions, and habits of behavior that are self-defeating and that keep me from being of maximum use to myself and others. I am 53 and have known about these habits for many, many years but have been so far unable to improve without appeal to a greater power than my own ego. I personally prefer the concept of "inner power" rather than "higher power", but I choose to believe that it is the inner power of the spirit, not the inner power of the ego, that I am appealing to.

I have been to many AA meetings that don't appeal to me, and I don't attend them regularly. The one's I do attend tend to be large, tend to be attended by people with many years of sobriety, and who have a variety of perspectives on AA, its principles and its practice.

Anyway, good luck.

I share a lot of your BEliefs when it comes to AA. For me, AA just seemed counter-productive. Dwelling on my past, admitting I was powerless, repeating affirmations that I had issue with, meetings, meetings, meetings. This was just not my cup of tea.

Over 2 years ago I learned about a woman named Rhonda Lenair http://www.lenair.com/alcohol_programs.shtml and her remarkably successful treatment for alcoholism. I spent a lot of time researching Rhonda and her treatment and decided to give it a try. It was the best decision I ever made in my life. My craving for alcohol was completely removed after seeing Rhonda Lenair and has not returned since. It has been over 2 years now and I have absolutely no fear of ever drinking again. I AM in charge now and no longer have that nagging voice inside coercing me into drinking alcohol. Drinking alcohol makes no sense in my brain anymore. I feel so free.

Since BEing on DS I have received a few messages from people who decided to give the Lenair Treatment a try and they too, have been able to release their craving for alcohol. These people choose not to share their experience here because many of the staunch supporters of AA are quite ruthless to people who choose a different way. I don't care. I will sing the praises of Rhonda Lenair until the day I die.

I must add however, with my craving for alcohol removed I still had issues that I had to deal with in order to truly heal from my addiction. Not having a clouded mindset due to alcohol, allowed me to really focus on what was going spiritually. I identified my issues, acknowledged them and then worked hard to release them. I have truly evolved.

Baby steps.

Whatever path you take I wish you success.

BE WELL.

Hi

AA is not for everybody, but I do not say its not usefull. I go very rarely, maybe if a friend asks or if I find I have some time. I like you have a very busy schedule.

I do go for group therapy once a week (1 hour) in our room there are AA people and non AA people, even if I am busy I try to find time for this one session as it keeps me in touch with my diesease.

Do what you feel is right, just leave the AA door open as it always is, pop in to the odd meeting, follow other sources but don't slip into denial, remeber you have an alcohol problem and deal with it.

Hope this helps a bit

2 years sober now

AA holds no monopoly on recovery. For me, it's the only way I could recover, but concerning your question about Women for Sobriety. I left AA, went to WFS, and found it not helpful. I thought the principles were really cool, but didn't find much long term or happy sobriety. Just my experience b/c it was mentioned in your post. Good luck!