Hi. I am a musician, and a guy who is the midst of accepting my disease. But, today, after over 100days of not drinking I feel like a huge weight is on me. I stopped drinking (this time), because I lost control of myself again when drunk. i became angry, paranoid, and my own worst enemy. A story many are familiar with. However in the cold turkey moment, it has just proven to be a band-aid on a much deeper wound. I am in some sort of anguish, that just plain sucks. I am in the stage where I am angry that I cannot drink, even though I KNOW it is the best thing for me to remain clean. I hate this. I've read how this is the characteristics of a dry drunk, but I guess I am wondering how to rise above this and fall back into my patterns of unsuccessful behavior. I have kinda tried AA before a couple of years ago, and only got thru about 90days. I do not have a sponsor, which is why I am writing in this discussion group. Any words, or experiences that any may find helpful are most welcome. Thank you for reading my thoughts. peace....
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