First you have to stop. Then the steps help you stay stopped and have a better life. If you can't stop on your own, look for a place(state sponsored or otherwise) even if you've already tried it before. We've already been to hell(most of us), just stay willing. Willing to do anything to get and stay sober. We have many many failed attempts, but dusting ourselves off and trying again is what makes us successful. Time clean doesn't matter, what are you doing today to get sober and stay moving in the right direction? Love for your son will not get or keep you sober. You judge yourself too hard for your past mistakes, you were being driven by a substance that's much bigger than you, and one that you have no control over. Instead on judging your past, judge your actions today(right now) and ask yourself if there's anything more you could do to stay sober. Are you doing all you can, losing your pride, asking somebody for help, someone who has a real answer, and working the steps to the best of your ability with complete abandon? Try it, what have you got to lose.

Have you tried AA? I suggest you do, we're a bunch of drunks helping other drunks and who would understand you better? At this point, if you want to get sober you're going to have to put yourself first. I don't mean ignore your son, but if you're going to be strong enough to be a good mother you have to put your sobriety first.
Look in your local phone directory for the toll free number to aa. You could also search for WI intergroup, I don't know what part of the state you're from but if you search for intergroup in your state you'll be able to find the number, or list of meetings in your area. Best wishes to you.

just because you are an alcoholic does not mean you are a bad person...everyone of us have made terrible mistakes in the past..but that is what it is...THE PAST..stay sober for today..not tomorrow,hell not for an hour from now no one knows what is gonna happen from minute to minute.. your son will see you givin' sobriety a chance and eventuallyhe will learn to trust you again..see about alanon for him so he can understand just what you are goin' through..good luck it does eventually get better

i know what your going through, ive been like this for 15 years too, this addiction is so deeply ingrained i sometimes think ill never be free,

Any drunk can get sober. It is staying sober that is the problem.

Learning for starters that I'm not depressed. I'm an alcoholic. There is a difference and no wonder why treatment for depression doesn't work when I'm not depressed. I'm an alcoholic.

I'm never where I want to be because I'm an alcoholic subject to magical and wishful thinking which frustrates and upsets me. The world doesn't work that way.

I don't know who I am because I've been acting my whole life as anything and anyone other than an alcoholic. The only person I've fooled is myself. Know thyself is the key to success and happiness.

Our children are hardwired into our emotions and he'll be happy with you when you're happy with you.

I can tell you the longer you stay sober the easier and happy you become.

I know where you are at, I have been there and it is very, very tough. It is hard to move on with all the hell we have been thru. It seems hopeless - things will never get better. But believe me they do. With everyday sober, your head will clear, you will find out who you are, what you want and you will find a way out of this mess. But you cannot drink, you cannot drink your problems away. The first few days, weeks, are tough, but believe that they will get better. Drinking got you into this mess - not drinking will get you out. Hang in there - it ain't easy - but if you want it - you WILL have it.

Congrats on the days. Do it one day at a time, sometimes each second whatever it takes to do the next right thing and not pick up that first drink. I've been through some of yours and alot more of my own. YOu right about not knowing how to live sober. I didnt know the first thing about it, i was a career addict for almost 30. I'm clean going on 4 yrs now. Each day is a learning experience. When you learn to love yourself it gets alot easier. Give your will over to God as you understand him each day. As for the trust with you son that will come also. Took me years to get back my daughters, and now the tables have turned with her and I. Now she is taking it one day at a time.
People places and things are a biggie. Thats a big suggestion from me, ya gotta change all that. Didnt work before aint gonna work now.
Hope I made some sense, I'm bipolar and tend to ramble sometimes!!!! peace

i have only a few months sober. I found AA . they will love you untill you can love yourself. I remember the first time some said that to me, I really didn't understand it. I didn't know just how much i didn't even like myself. The program of aa ,meaning the steps and a good sponsor to help you work them, saved me and gave me a new meaning in life. i didn't know how to live without alcohol either. I can't remember not drinking as an adult. It took alot of work and honesty with my sponsor but without the steps i would be drunk today. i remember being on the outside looking in and how strange all this sounded, but if you just trust and give it a few 24 hours to see the results , your life will change in ways you never dreamed of!!! also, be prepare for your son to become even more angry than he is now ,my daughter did at first,#1 she didn't like the fact that i became a mother and made choices for her best intrest instead of giving her what she wanted so she would leave me alone to drink. #2 it took a few months for her to see that this wasn't like the million other times that i quit for good.noone will tell you it is going to be easy all the time that you'll never want to say to heck with this and get sauced. the only thing that is for certain is if you don't open that first bottle ( or can) you will not get drunk. glad you are beginning a wounderful new life . hang tough and i'll be here if you ever need to chat, love patty

Everything BillW wrote is absolutely a step in the right direction. How very eloquent! Thanks BillW as this helps me too, going on 90 DS!

HI I DRANK FOR ABOUT THE SAME TIME 15 YRS OR MORE ,MY 3 CHILDREN WERE VERY YOUNG THEN AND I WAS ON MY OWN ,DO TRY AA ,I NEARLY LOST IT ALL BEFORE I PUT THE DRINK DOWN ,BUT AFTER ONE MORE ATTEMPT TO END MY LIFE I FOUND AA ,NOW IT IS 23 YRS [A DAY AT A TIME ]THAT I HAVE BEEN SOBER ,NOBODY TOLD ME IT WOULD BE EASY ,BUT IT IS SIMPLE IF I DONT PICK UP ADRINK I WONT GET DRUNK ,AS BILLW SAID JUST BE WILLING TO TRY TAKE CARE XXX