Well, I had the chance yesterday to review the fourth step I did on my marriage with my sponsor. She read over my three pages and then asked whether or not I was going to accept all the things for which I had developed resentments because I kept going back to them again and again and I was allowing them to make me depressed and risking a relapse. I told her that I didn't think a reasonable person would accept those things and I wasn't going to. Thus, the alternative is to end the relationship because we all know that we can't change another person. I brought up the "D" word with DH last night. Turns out that all our relationship problems are really *my* fault. Who'd a thunk it? Anyhow, we didn't come to any sort of resolution. He believes he is making some sort of superhuman effort to nurture our relationship and I just don't see it. In the past I would have just bought a six pack, took a couple pills, and passed out. Now I'm forced to deal with the harsh reality. Its really getting under my skin and I wish I could get it resolved quickly but I guess this is why divorce sucks so much. There's always some doubt whether or not its the right choice. Everyone always gets hurt in some way. Nevertheless, I find myself craving the freedome. Anyhow, I'll quit rambling. Thanks again to all of you who helped me out as I struggled with the fourth step. I do realize that I am partly to blame for the situation but I believe that fixing my part won't fix the marriage. I can't wait to see my therapist tomorrow.
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