Miserable from husbands drinking
Im so frustrated!! My husband is an alcoholic and I have been dealing with it wrong for the past 12 years I am sooo tired and beat down. I know I am not supposed to call him out on it but it is so hard not to. I feel he has narcissistic tendancies so it gets really bad when I bring it up but I keep doing it! He always says the same thing to defend hiimself....he says I dont drink in the morning, I dont drink hard alcohol and I go to work everyday. He says I am making it a problem and that he does not have one. He drinks 7 days a week. 4 or 5 out of the 7 he gets really drunk. He drinks alone most of the time, will not eat dinner because it ruins his buzz, lies about where he is going. IE: last week he told me he was going for a ride on his mountain bike and would be right back but came home from the bar at 2 am wasted. This stuff happens on a weekly basis. I am lonely, frustrated and stuck as I just started a new career and cannot afford to support our two teenage kids on my own. My entire life revolves around his drinking schedule. We dont go anywhere, he stays outside in the yard if he is home until he is ready to pass out everynight. He says I am high maintanence if I complain about being alone and I am a prude and that I should drink with him. I grew up with alcohol and drugs in my family and I am so disappointed in myself that I am repeating the patterns for myself and my kids. I know I am going about this all wrong but it is so hard to break the patterns and I dont know where to start. Whenever I bring it up it ends with him withholding money, keys etc..He says that I have no right to complain becuase he is paying the bills. I know what will happen but I keep opening my mouth! I am sure I have serious codependancy issues to deal with but Im overwhelmed with all of it! Any advise on where to start would be greatly appreciated. I tried a local alanon meeting one time but I felt like I didnt fit in. Everyone seemed to have a alcholic in thier live that was going to aa meetings and getting help. I will never have that I am certain about that.