I am not sure where to post this so it is going here.
When I started getting sober a year ago I was still smoking weed and was up until just a couple days ago. I had taken kratom a few years back but started taking it multiple times daily after not too long of getting off the booze. It instantly helped calm me down, helped me sleep, let me get thru the days without being in horrible pain and longing for alcohol. It also helped stabilize my mood. I was having very angry outbursts, especially at the beginning.
Now I am in a new city and I am broke, so I don't have access to these things right now. And I have wanted to ween myself and get off Kratom from the beginning. I knew it wouldn't be sustainable. I do plan on continuing to smoke weed, just not as much, and right now I don't have any.
That being the case, I had a tiny bit of weed yesterday and my last does of Kratom was 2 days ago. Yesterday I woke up sweaty and shaking after tossing and turning all night. Last night I slept better but still woke up shaking and sweating. I don't know if I am really looking for advice. I just am having a hard time with it right now. Thinking about it a lot. My brain is all super active. Having lots of quick ups and downs in my mood. Super unmotivated to do anything today. Just kinda want to sleep... But I want to feel better. I didn't like how I felt always on kratom and I didn't like being dependent on it.
This is the most sober I have been since I started getting sober 16 months ago.
16 months no booze
16 months sex free
14 months no blow or other hard drugs
12 months cigarette free
6 months porn free
2 days without Kratom
1 day without weed
Feeling really good about my progress when I lay it out like that. But still struggling a bit with reality today. Being THIS SOBER is uncanny.
I dont really know what to say here right now. I just feel so shitty and suicidal. Ive accepted that i was psychotic but i appear to be coming out of that now and the better mood that came with my psychosis at times has toally gone. Yes thats right, i felt better psychotic even though it caused anxiety to act on harmful things i still felt better. I feel really triggered off by something but i...