Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
My spouse acts like I am having an affair with AA. My new found friends and support are all I have. Myself a homemaker who gets the kids to school and at daily meetings by 8am I rarely conflict with my spouses schedule as far as not being on the phone with him all day.
Keeping the house in tip top has become difficult for me because I feel estranged in my own home. If anyone can feel me.
My children are happy with me and my willingness to go to daily meetings-- sometimes two; however, if I go to a night meeting or one one the weekend he flips!
Says I dont want anything to do with him (untrue) and I am of course AA is brainwashing me. Our 's' life is non existent I am doing good just to look at him I feel no need or conversation worth having. He tries to get attention anyway he can including starting arguments I try to surpass. Which sucks because I am really good at it! :)
Previously he would say, "Just dont be drunk when I get home". Since sobriety other I have received a new memo of demands which includes some of which he will not tell me.
a. I need a companion.
b. I need a friend.
c. I need sex
d. .... What ever, Right?
What happened to the 8 years of just living together? You are still yelling at me for my inconsistencies that I might add if it wasn't for him I would know nothing about!
He quit drinking 1 week ago (I think) dry drunk as far as I am concerned. Went to a meeting to find the pole we women must dance on during them. Unfortunately, he wont go to meetings making statements that those people are "F'n" up~ after professing he was an alcoholic. He is embarrassed of my "Savior Shit" as he puts it. I dont preach to him.
Says he's going to leave me and truly as I sit here I could care less. I feel little fear today as I did a week ago with knowledge that Me drinking today will not change him at all.
Him not being in control of me is not working anymore. If he wants it all he can have it as I am resilient to the past, mutual violence & I surely can make it on my own. Honestly my friends I am mentally exhausted.
So I ramble on I say, Alanon? How does a drunk go to Alanon? I am taking my daughter to Alateen and he is hell bent against that. IdC
But I wonder if anyone can tell me why or am I spending too much time on this--Me getting sober. He says family first, and I am doing that! Why am I starting to feel guilt ridden not because of sobriety but because of my network? I too feel that I deserve a life outside of these walls.
My self-esteem is coming back (not fast) but I feel like my eyes are opening I see the sun shine for the first time in years and am coming to realize how I want to be treated. Without his growth spiritually I dont see how we can go on.
Any advice or stories would be great.
Keeping the house in tip top has become difficult for me because I feel estranged in my own home. If anyone can feel me.
My children are happy with me and my willingness to go to daily meetings-- sometimes two; however, if I go to a night meeting or one one the weekend he flips!
Says I dont want anything to do with him (untrue) and I am of course AA is brainwashing me. Our 's' life is non existent I am doing good just to look at him I feel no need or conversation worth having. He tries to get attention anyway he can including starting arguments I try to surpass. Which sucks because I am really good at it! :)
Previously he would say, "Just dont be drunk when I get home". Since sobriety other I have received a new memo of demands which includes some of which he will not tell me.
a. I need a companion.
b. I need a friend.
c. I need sex
d. .... What ever, Right?
What happened to the 8 years of just living together? You are still yelling at me for my inconsistencies that I might add if it wasn't for him I would know nothing about!
He quit drinking 1 week ago (I think) dry drunk as far as I am concerned. Went to a meeting to find the pole we women must dance on during them. Unfortunately, he wont go to meetings making statements that those people are "F'n" up~ after professing he was an alcoholic. He is embarrassed of my "Savior Shit" as he puts it. I dont preach to him.
Says he's going to leave me and truly as I sit here I could care less. I feel little fear today as I did a week ago with knowledge that Me drinking today will not change him at all.
Him not being in control of me is not working anymore. If he wants it all he can have it as I am resilient to the past, mutual violence & I surely can make it on my own. Honestly my friends I am mentally exhausted.
So I ramble on I say, Alanon? How does a drunk go to Alanon? I am taking my daughter to Alateen and he is hell bent against that. IdC
But I wonder if anyone can tell me why or am I spending too much time on this--Me getting sober. He says family first, and I am doing that! Why am I starting to feel guilt ridden not because of sobriety but because of my network? I too feel that I deserve a life outside of these walls.
My self-esteem is coming back (not fast) but I feel like my eyes are opening I see the sun shine for the first time in years and am coming to realize how I want to be treated. Without his growth spiritually I dont see how we can go on.
Any advice or stories would be great.
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
I was sober for almost 6 years and I started slacking on my meetings and forgot what it was like for me as an active drunk. I went back drinking and didn't make it back for 10 years.
I have just got four months again and I stay close to meetings. I am going to make it this time because I am determined to make it and I make time for meetings. I have a sponser to talk to and a home group I attend every week and help out. I have gratitude today.
My former roommate phoned me and was annoyed because I told him not to call between 8 and 9 because I am busy.
He said, "You go to them f'n meetings everyday or what?" I told him, "I drank everyday, what do you think?"
The hour and a half out of my day right now to go to a meeting keeps me out of trouble the other twenty two and a half hours.
Maybe you can get him to go to Alanon.
When I sobered up the first time, my hubby went retarded on me too. he said, "I wish you would go back drinking at least I understood that."
I hope you can work it out and this site is also a good place for little "God shot" when you can't get to a meeting. I lived in a town of 700 hundred people and no meetings when I sobered up. This site saved my sanity as I was a meeting of one. Me and the Big Book.
Well you got that lot of your chest, well done.
You say he can no longer control you, and I fear that is a large part of the problem.
As much as our partners want us sober, they can sometimes be scared of what they find.
A real you, you are doing nothing wrong, in fact your doing everything right.
He says family first, well I am putting family first and to do that I must spend time on my sobriety, as a sober me is a better me.
Says he is going to leave you, well that soounds more like insecurity, that if he does not leave you might, so better he first.
His demands, well they sound like the control he has lost, and he is deperatly trying to put back.
All this said, we must not lose sight that this change does affect everyone around us good and bad, and that it may also take time for our relationship to change to the NEW relationship, because it is new.
It does sound as though you love and care for each other, but during your strugles you are sending out the wrong messages to each other.
Somehow you have got to get a handle on this one or it may end in a way that niether of you truly want, counselling of some kind together may help, somewhere that maybe you could both get to understand the changes that are occuring between you, because they are of course changing.
Its good to see that he has also stopped drinking, you may be his wake up call.
When someone says "I am leaving" they may not mean it, they may just be trying to scare you, so they can get the control back that they have lost. Don't let this happen, as the only way he can cotrol you is if you drink, so maybe he feels if he could get you back to drink he would regain what he has lost, he doesn't mean that, but he is scared to
If you can stay together and work through this, I think in 6 months time you may be both grateful that you did.
I do have to say that at the moment you must keep your sobriety at the top of your list.
I hope this makes some sense
Trickey
Whether he joins you in recovery is his choice. A lot of marriages don't make it when a spouse gets well--especially if both are alkies. I'm not saying this to stress you, it's just statistics. You must understand that this changes the entire dynamics of the relationship--which usually is a good thing, since relationships involving substance abuse are not healthy--but now the question is, are the two of you willing to form a whole new, healthy dynamic? If he is not willing, you cannot force him, and must make your own decisions, even though those decisions may not be easy.
KEEP UP YOUR GOOD WORK!!
Try to relax,breathe, & say serenity prayer 5 times.
Have your phone set for 911, dont lose your dreams over anything or anybody!!
Conquer one task (one moment)@ a time , thats the best we all can do.
Please stay with your meetings - you said that you did not feel fear at this point - that is such good growth on your part and has everything to do with your meetings and new friends.
With regaurds to him finding the real person. I said, "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it! In addition I have added an end note:
Here I am! Not the wacky party crazy loud ballzy person you thought you had any more... Just the plain old boring me. Sorry to have disappointed you... ;)
I tried to explain to him that i may have felt sorry for him if in fact he wasnt drinking before I met him and I hadnt put up with his drunken abuse before. For example like he hadnt signed up for this as a codependant spouse or something but hes an alcholic as well --(so I have little compassion for his situation.)-- That I did not say...:)
I am still working my program and will continue I only need to loose the resentment from my past and think I will end up single after Christmas?
Thanks friends.