as im writing this i have a bit of a tear streaming down,the doctor today told me i need to stop drinking, im not only drinknig but also takin sleepin pills , i shud only b takin one but take 2-3 at a time jus to try n get a decent sleep, but i cant sleep, my head is gonig round 2000 miles an hour,i cant even get thru a day with out a drink usually i last 3-4 weeks without 1 but now i dont wait that long, wats the point? im depressed,and i have this loniess inside me that its killing me inside, i have no decent mates, they all took off wen i was drinin, or i pushed them away, even my old drinking partners r moving on ,n theres me just stood still, this week i managed to push away sum1 who tired to help, i was rude n aggressive, i cant seem to sit in a group n talk bout my drinking n my life coz it hurts so much,if im not careful il end up back in mentsl hospital again,my anger is jus getting a joke,me n my family dont talk no more, everytime we talk its a arugment , i always get constantly reminded of how much a crap daughter n sister i am, yep iv done bad things to get drink, iv told lies iv stole,but im not a bad person, my brother, i dont know wat its like to look up to a big brother coz my bro hes jus like me,he hates me n i wish i cud hate him but i cant , hes my bloody , but we have no relationship n it does hurt alot, me n my dad well,iv shamed him, and even if i did change, it wud b too late for him or not good enuff, he always wanted me to go outt here n get a job, have kids, marriage,instead im a selfish drunk n a addict, n thast embarrased him, its embarrsed me too, im bout to explode i really am
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