I am new to this forum and I am really searching at this point. I am an alcoholic who on her first attempt to maintain sobriety managed to stay sober almost a year. I changed people, places and things and managed to crawl out of the dark hole of despair I was living in and never thought I would get out. Had been attending meetings. Work got in the way of my schedule and meetings took a back seat and ultimately so did my sobriety because one day I said what I was terrified I would one day say - a few drinks won't be so bad no one will know. Since that drink the longest clean time I have managed at best is 3 weeks. I have disappointed everyone but mostly myself. I have no energy to do the next right thing. I am on meds but just can't jump start what I know I need to save my life. I'm scared!
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It has been getting slightly better. Yesterday night I began hearing voices coming from within the house when there was nobody there. I felt slightly panicked about the hallucinations, and the same night again I didn’t sleep well. However I might have dozed off a bit, I am unsure of it. Last night was quite odd as I don’t know how much I really slept. First I was there half awake, aware of my...
I'm so depressed that I just can't get out of my head of either hurting myself or wanting to die. I'm drowning in my own feelings and I can't get out. I can't escape my own mind. I refuse to take meds because I don't want people to think that I'm a crazy person for a mental illness or something along this matter. I need support from anyone who's willing to leave me a comment on my post.