Could you get with your boss and ask him to sit in while you talk to the other. Just ask him straight out what is going on and could he give you some idea as how you could change things. Ask your boss to mediate. Make a plan and don't deviate. Stay on task.

I am very leary about this; as my boss has yet to show me he/she is interested in resolving this matter. I spoke to my boss about specifics that came up last week, and I get this answer: "Don't know what to tell ya, it is what it is."

I'm sorry about your predicament. Have you considered sitting down with this individual to talk about it? It may simply be a misunderstanding. If you want to talk about possible solutions pm me and I'll give you my #. Are you in AA? If you need to talk about it with another drunk, feel free to contact me.

Well, I guess my question is-what do you think this person wants from you? Do they feel threatened by you for instance? And feel the need to "throw you under a bus" because they want you to look bad? Do they honestly not like the work you are doing? What is your gut tell you?

I ask this because perhaps you can figure out a strategy in dealing with this person-putting them at ease, at arms length. Getting them off your back. SO again, why is this person against you do you think?

You're going to have to take it up with this person and set up some boundaries. Your boss clearly doesn't want to get involved so it's between the two of you. You can either ask if they would meet you for coffee as you really need to speak with them about something important or maybe you can get someone from HR to sit with the two of you if your boss doesn't want to do it. Possibly ask if your boss is willing to sit and mediate the situation. It's one thing to 'complain' to him/her but it's another to say 'I need to solve this and I need someone to be the intermediary. I'm not asking you to take sides. I just want you to keep the conversation on track'. It's being proactive and problem solving. You'll feel better for taking back your own power.

write out a list of your character defects that are playing out in this situation and ask God to remove them.

If you haven't worked Steps 6 and 7, try it. But before you can do these Steps, you should sit down with your sponsor and go over the character defects that are activated while in the presence of this other person or in these specific situations.

If you don't know what your HP is, that's good, then you won't confuse the process of having your shortcomings removed. Simply become aware of the specific defects that are apparent in this situation and Humbly ask your HP to remove them. Nothing more or less than what Step 7 says. As long as you are Willing to belive that there is a HP, this process works.

After you have completed Step 7, sit back and bask in the sunlight of the spirit, with an inner knowing that these defects are in God's hands now.

Don't delay

Nodp2day.... Ditto!

It'll get handled. I'll bet you'll be pleasantly surprised. Good Luck!

Do a Step 4, if you haven't already. From the Step 4, you will get a list of character defects that you can pray to have you HP remove.

I'm disappointed in your boss. That's not how you run a company. I spent too many years in corporate america not to learn that. Try the one on one with the individual as suggested. If she refuses, then advise her that you will go to HR for mediation. She's renting space in your head and it's time for you to evict her. Take action, this will destroy you if you don't. Do NOT run away from this. There are laws that protect you and it is HR's job to protect all its' employees and keep it confidential. Good Luck!

It's good that you understand where you are as far as your emotions go.Do the best job you can for the good of the company.If you can try to talk it out with that person,do it.Explain what you're feeling.Don't just let it keep festering and growing.But also remember that there are no big deals.We only make them big in our minds.Stay professional and objective.Above all else,remember that a drink won't help it at all.

I would suggest you pray for them and when you see this person instead of saying good morning or something else say GOD bless you every time you see them. Also when ever they are in the room with you preach the word of GOD to them. One ti =me some one said if you want to scare away the people that you don't want to be around preach the word of GOD and they will run for cover I promise you this will work!

Ashley,
Thanks for the advice; but this will not work for this person. This person is a raging alcoholic and the only way out is in. I know that one for a fact trying to maintain my own sobriety. Unfortunately, as we all know, no one gets well until they WANT TO. I have decided to LET GO and pray for him silently that he will see his ways and get help. Until that happens, nothing will change. Thank you for all your advice everyone; it's the rollercoaster ride of sobriety.... whew hoo !!!!

Hi Livinglifesober
I can relate to your story. i have been in my current job for about 5 years now. When i first started there was this employee (who is still with the organisation) who would speak to me on ocassions in a manner that I hadn't been used to particularly in sobriety. There was an ocassion where I was quite stressed at work and he spoke to me in a manner that just was not appropriate. very aggressive.

He is a loudmouth and I since learned that he has been spoken to on a couple of ocassions previously about his manner to other employees. Anyway, getting back to the situation with myself. I thought NO, this isnt on, and (as I have done regularly in my time in AA) I spoke to a couple of AA members about this and I was given the strength to e mail him to speak to him face to face in private. He apologised for what he said. Okay better than nothing.

However I do wished that I had said something there and then as it definitely merited it. Since then as the time has passed 2-3 years. He knows I will not take any crap from him and if anything he is quite immature in his approach. He hardly says anything to me. Thats okay.

What i have learned is that 1. speak to people about this to get some perspective 2. I am not on this earth to be a .....door mat. As a result I need to be aware of what support there is to make people aware of this, and- trust in the process of Empowering myself. For example there are laws and legislations covering harassment and bullying in the workplace. I do not know how large your company is but even if it is a small company by law you are supposed to have the HSE Health and safety at Work Act 1974 poster displayed which outlines an employers obligations to his employees.

By exploring all avenues believe me you will be setting up a good habit towards yourself now and in the future by saying "No that isnt acceptable to me".

Maybe ask your boss if you can have a meeting. Get the support of friends (not sure if you go to AA) to be clear and confident as to what you are going to say. If your boss is apathetical to your situation when you still feel something should be done if you are in a union you could consider speaking to them.

As I say, these things can be positive experiences in our lives I feel where it gets to a point where we need to say No I deserve better.

All the Best

I know that it is much easier said than done, but I think you are on the right track as far as letting go. But I also think it is important for me to fully face and acknowledge my feelings. The whole purpose of my alcohol abuse was to deny my feelings, myself and those things that I perceived to be a threat.

Since sober (going on 2 years now) I have tried my best to practice present and focused awareness about my feelings, rather than to suppress or deny them.

What I have discovered in many cases is that my "fears" or anxiety about things or other people are based on false or partially true perceptions. One question I ask myself, when I find myself internally criticizing someone, or becoming defensive, is "is this person or situation really a threat, or do I just perceive them as a threat due to a past experience or misconception?

What is the worst thing that can really happen concerning this "perceived threat'? Can this person really truly hurt me? Or do I simply allow myself suffering over it, because I am resisting the truth about my own feelings? Just some thoughts that have helped me with extreme anger and bitter, fearful feelings.

James Scott Murphy