I am divorced since august 2015.After my divorce i developed a drinking problem.Now I am a little over 3 months sober and have been going to all female AA meetings straight from work 3 times a week over the past 2 months. I enjoy the meetings and I feel like I do get something out of them, so I keep coming back, but I have always struggled with all of the hugging and touching by one woman that occurs before and after the meetings.She is a 55year old skinny really short like 5ft3 wrinkled face thin lips green eyes grayhaired masculine woman. This may seem odd, but any type of physical contact with another person and especially with a stranger makes me extremely uncomfortable. At the same time, I am able to "fake it till you make it" and go along with this gesture out of a desire to not appear like a stuck up arrogant snob. And at the end of the day I know that a simple hug will not cause me any great harm. But it is still extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel that I have to subject myself to unwanted physical contact by this woman. Other 9 women at A A group seem to think that I'm arrogant stuck up upper middle class snob. I probably seem stuck-up.I am a 41year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette.I I like dressing well, and looking presentable. I don't dress slutty at all. My boobs are 32 f bra size though and I do have a big butt. My hourglass shape is unique and i am tall, and I appreciate that.If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I prefer wearing satin pants and a little shorter satin skirts, always above knees, sometimes even quite much, but not any miniskirts anyway. I am always on high heels and full make up on.I am always in tight form fitting satin and silk clothes. I am a stylish person.I usually stay away from anything too revealing.I am describing myself because i want you to know the complexity of the situation.People have told me that I look unapproachable and stuck up.Alot of people (females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a friendly person and not stuck on myself at all. Men often ask my friends if I am stuck up and they tell them no I'm nice and friendly. I'm not at all shy, but I tend to be quiet if I'm around people I don't know. I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself.This woman started touching me and hugging me on my first day at the A A group.She started patting and rubbing my back,wrap her hands around my waist, tight from behind and hugging me (for no reason).My question is how is the best way I can let this woman know this, that its nothing personal, but I would prefer not to be hugged. I have been trying this by extending my hand to do a handshake, but she do not get the hint and will hug me anyways. Usually when this short skinny woman who shouldn't be touching me try to...I just kinda... let her do the touching,rubbing and hugging , but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly.She seems harmless to me.I am physically stronger than her i am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft2 tall skinny.I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a midget.I know she means well and is not preying on me but I'm honestly the kind of person who jumps if you accidentally brush knees with me, so it's all a little weird for me.
The biggest thing that is holding me back are worries of offending this woman or getting rejected by the group or being looked at as a stuck up snob. "I mean its just a hug right, whats the harm in that", etc.I would hate for this to be the reason I stop going to AA meetings.I just go there straight from work three times a week.It is on my route from work to home. I find these meetings helpful.The way I see it these meetings help me stay sober and I'm not going to let something like this prevent me from accessing it. I have 14year old daughter. I was married for 13 years.I need to stay sober.I am new and needy in the program.I feel vulnerable.I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings.AA strongly recommends no dating at all the first year of recovery and strongly disapproves of dating within the group.I need to concentrate on myself , and only myself,to stay sober. I think being single would be good for me.I have SO much shame because of the awful things I have done while drunk. I've been in so many situations for the past two years where my heavy drinking led to me being taken advantage of . I made myself vulnerable.By the end of my drinking days I was terrified of having sex but being blacked out. I would wake up in a panic to see my self fully clothed but in bed with a "friend". The shame I felt for continuously putting myself in that situation was awful. It eventually made me stop. But when I did fool around I was drunk. I feel like I gave something away I should have kept.Since my divorce I slept with a different men I cared nothing about. I woke up naked in bed with someone and did not remember any of it.What hurt me the most though was my drinking and living "life in the fast lane." I thought I was so sophisticated.Sipping $30 martinis at fancy bars and sleeping with guys younger than me.I bounced from man to man. On the rare occasion that a guy was actually NICE to me and cared about me I kicked him to the curb. My mentality was...my ex husband have hurt me, so I am just going to use men for my own needs.The way I behaved sexually has caused me a lot of angst and tears. I'm not sleeping with anyone right now.
With great sadness, Duke passed away this afternoon at the Vet's office. They found a large tumour in his stomach.They only gave him a couple of days.I made a choice, so he would no longer suffer. I got to spend about an hour with him & held him as he went to sleep.He is beside his brother Fred now & god will take care of them until we meet again.Thank you for your prayers.Hugs!Brooke
I think I'm a alcoholic. I'm not quite sure. I can go days without drinking. But it's my go to when things get bad. It's stupid how I started. I work night shift. That messed with my sleep cycle. On my days off I have to be mom and wife and maid and cook so I have to get back on a normal schedule. Then switch back to 12 hour nights when I work. I could never find anything that helped me sleep on...