hey, had a friend come over last night, he's like the only friend I still have at the moment, he's 21 and just a friend of mine and my sons, come's over after work sometimes around 10:30pm and , sometimes stays the night. Well, I was sleeping when he got here but apparently he got some beer and was drinking it last night, he went to work today at 1pm but he left three beers in my fridge and God damn it if I don't want to drink the fuckers right now really bad like! I keep thinking, three can't hurt anything and I wont get more and shit. My son knows I've been sober for 12 days and I never want him to see me drink again. I've actually taken the beer out of the fridge before my son woke up and put them in my room, which is a sign that I'm intending to drink them or some shit and hide it from him. thinking he wont know cause it's only three beers. But then I think I don't want to mess up my system and start over fresh again with all this wachy mind shit that I've been going through. But then I think, 3 beers, that wouldn't hurt much. ugh! It's the first real time in 12 days that I've had that strong urge and craving again. I've felt so confident lately that I'm never gonna do it again. It just hit me pretty quick a few minutes ago when i put the beer in my room. How the hell am I gonna keep from drinking it? My mind is saying go ahead, It's pretty damn powerful right now too. I don't have a sponsor yet so I'm on here. gotta take a cab in a few minutes to go to the pharmacy. I'll be back soon though. yea, I'm gonna tell my friend that no alcohol is ever allowed in my house again. I feel lots of anxiety right now too and beer sounds so good, my mind feels so weak at the moment and it surprises me. I dont' think I'm gonna manage to not drink them but I really think I"ll manage to not get more.
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