im still drinking, and everytime i drink the pain gets that much worse, but it still gives me that ease and comfort, wen i have that drink it takes away everything i feel, coz i dont wana feel, i dont wana think,ive being drinknig everyday recently, for a while now, AA was right , it does progress,i think my brain has gone completely dead coz im much more slower doing things, i forget wat i do or wat i say,my balance is not good, i walk doown the road like im swaying all over the place, and im deeply depressed,i sed i get moods up n down, it cud b the drink, actually i think i was depressed as a kid way befor i picked up the drink,i always saw physoclogiset, counslloers from the age of 12 never really undestandin me, i needa stop drinking, there r many reasons y i shud stop, but there r too many reasons why i shudnt stop, i just cant do life, life for me is like a misery, i wake up in terror wonderin wat the day will bring, knowing i have nothing to look forward to except drink, knowin i lost all my decent mates, knowin i threw every single person who tried to help me back in their face, especially AA and treatment centres,, day programmes, they tried to help, but i jus didnt reach out enuff, im a constant liar, im a theif, and a selfish cow,, they say wat goes around comes around, n im certainly feeling that, coz whos left on there own, alone n miserable, who only existance is to get pissed, i dont wana b here no more, i wonder wat it wud b like to jus fall asleep n never wake up again, it must b better than this .
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