I drank again monday night. I let myself get so sick and tired and lonely and scared and depressed. It was like I was a drunk without even drinking. Everything has been bothering me. I don't really have much family support at all. I have been not going to my meetings or calling aa friends. i think I just didn't feel like it but I should've been. I'm gonna start going again. I've been reading alot and coming on here alot but I've been feeling so shitty. I can't seem to eat healthy, exercise, or quit smoking and everyday I feel so shitty and tired and bummed out. I want to take care of myself. Because I can't afford to let myself feel that way. So crappy and hopeless. I have been scared about the future. Scared of life, of happiness. I need to trust in God. No job, no license, no money really. So much debt. I'll probably never get my license back. I don't know. I just need all the comfort and support I can get right now. Encouragement, strength. Need to trust in God. To feel that there's hope. It was a bad choice to drink. i just put myself in that position where I was vulnerable and needy and scared. Yea it helps right? Not. Now I feel a hundred times worse. For some reason I'm afraid of letting myself feel good, to be happy. I'm so scared of getting hurt. I don't know. I don't understand it either really. I was PMS too and thinking alot about the abuse I've suffered, trying to heal from that. I just found myself in a bad place. I can't sit here and beat myself up. I have to move forward and do what I know I need to do. Call my aa friends, get to meetings. I was sober but feeling so down about stuff. I even asked my ex abusive boyfriend to come over when I was drunk. It was so stupid. He's acting all caring now and I guess I needed some caring but I know it's the wrong kind. I can't trust him, I don't believe he really cares. He's hurt me too much. I just feel bad. I'm sorry.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...