I realize alcohol has NOT become a huge problem in my life. I DON'T use it to relieve my depression and loneliness. Although it does really "help", it HARDLY put me in a state of mind that will make me forget. And I LOVE it. Anytime Im drunk it can be a BORING experience, especially when I get really calm and feel stupid, but I can help it. I like feeling the depression and letting my personality drop dead, having all the cares in the world. I KNOW this is perfect. I know it's really "helping" , but if this is how I can escape just for a little, then I want it to kill me. I want to give it up. How am I supposed to look like an imbicile? Im in denial, but I dont want everything to change.
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