Well not proud of it.. drinking again tonight.. well sorry started last night haven't been to sleep and I'm still up and at it. I'm not proud of myself to say the least and I know i've got a problem, just don't know what to do about it. I should be the happiest woman in the world. I've got my kids and grandkids. I got a new apartment since I was here last and I start college the 20th of February... no reason to drink right??? Not!!!! I am so pissed at myself right now for the stupid crap that I do.. I binge drink and I do drugs I binge on them too. I go so long and don't drink and don't drug and than I go right back to it.. I have made so many accomplishments since I was here last time. I got over Keith and that was a feat in it'self.. I will be studying to be an accountant.. I'm excited about that.. but for some reason I feel so empty and so lonely. All my friends are proud of me and so are my kids.. so now what??? I have no clue anymore.. I guess there's not enough drugs and alcohol to take away the pain and the hurt and the lonliness... I can't believe that I'm up and dong this crap again.. it's got to stop...
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