I'm definitly an alcoholic and I've been 'in'AA for over two and half years. My longest period of 'sobriety' was 17 months. I relapsed in May and my Son was taken into care. As if that wasn't enough to stop me I've picked up twice since. Luckily or 'by the grace of God' I really did just have a couple of drinks on both occasions. I know I'm walking on very thin ice. Part of me, The sick part, is saying 'look you only had a couple perhaps you can control it'. The 'sane' part of me knows this is nonsense. i don't yet feel good enough about myself to want to stay sober for myself but i so desparetley want to be a sober and good mum for my children. I want my children home but know that i must stay sober. My AA friend thinks the problem is that i haven't surrendered. I am aware of alcohol setting off the 'phenomenon' of craving and the mental obssession that makes me powerless, but what does it mean to surrender? Also i don't get to as many meetings as i should because i still feel really shy around people. any advice would be most welcome. Please. Thanks
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