Your life is worth everything. If you feel like enough is enough, and want something better. Right now(today) is the time to take action. Have you ever been to an A.A. meeting. It's a good place to start, and see if it's something you want or even need. Only you can make this decision to change. In A.A. we will not tell you how to get sober. We will show you how. Take care of number 1. It can't hurt to try new things.

You are worth it! It is the disease of alcoholism that is telling you you're not. You are a good person and you deserve to be happy.

I understand where you're coming from. Last year of my drinking, I just wanted to die. Today, I am 19 months sober and my life is better than it's ever been.
AA saved my life. Try it. It definitely won't hurt you... Best of luck!

I have not tried A.A.because I'm afraid of talking to people who might judge me.I'm not saying that would happen ,it's just that is what I'm afraid of.I guess I'm just to use to hiding this.

We all have our own stories, and made it in the rooms for a reason. You will not be judged. The first meeting will focus on you. Others will share how they made it there. Try to see if you relate. Your second meeting is the important meeting. Like I said if you want difference try to do different things. If your serious A.A. may work. It helped a suicidal cat like me, become happy, and blessed.

I am new to sobriety, and new to AA--I read this article and it really helped a lot:
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/First_AA_Meeting.html

I was really, really depressed about the notion of joining AA, and about going to a stupid meeting, and I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it was. Everyone was really friendly and cool, and there was no pressure. You can just sit and listen...

I don't know you, but I know you're worth it. And trust me, if being judged is what you're afraid of you have nothing to worry about by going to AA. Look at the posting "worst things done drunk," there are some pretty crazy stories told there. We've all done things we wish we hadn't, but that's good because that's what gets us into the rooms. I'm fortunate enough to know that there is no shortage of meetings in NJ. Try an open speaker and just listen, try to identify with the feelings and not compare stories. I wish you the best....did I mention you're worth it?

Fear is part of the disease. When I got to the program, I was full of doubt, fear and insecurity. It's all part of the disease of alcoholism.

Don't let fear get in your way. You will find out that in AA, not only that people won't judge you, they we'll understand you.

You don't even have to say anything if you're not ready. Just try to go, keep an open mind, listed to the speaker and try to identify.
Again, I was so scared when I got to AA. Now, I consider them my family. I will never be alone again.

Me thinks, you've realised you've a problem and just by being here at D.S. your taking steps to get yourself straight. That realisation in itself should be a turning point in your life. AA has helped millions of people the world over but they're not the only people who can help. Go with what your comfortable with and stick with it cos its soooo worth it. Good luck buddy.

Thank you all for such possitive replies.I am definately encouraged by all of your kind words.I've never been able to talk to anyone openly about this.I am not able to hide when I am drunk any longer because once I start drinking ,I can't control the amount I drink.So because of that I have shut almost all friends and family out.I am almost positive they are aware of why,although none of them have confronted me on it.I caused myself to feel and be alone more then ever.I do want help.I know this can't be how it's suppose to end for me.

AA is the last place to judge people. If you are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired then you and I have something in common. The only difference between us is that I chose not to drink today. Not drinking is nuts. I'm an alcoholic; I'm supposed to drink. But I got sick and tired of being sick and tired 20 years ago. So I dragged my butt to AA. Everything I have today is a direct result of my alcoholism and AA. Figuring out I was a drunk was the best thing that has happened to me. My wife has 19 yrs and she's the 2nd best thing. Drunk aren't bad people. We're just sick people trying to get better....One Day At A Time. Go to an AA meeting. You will be an inspiration to someone. You will probably help someone else you don't know stay sober for the rest of the day. AA might need you as much as you might need AA. It's a journey of a lifetime...one day at a time.

I agree with davidg. He's right you know. You need to stsrt taking care of yourself. Find an AA group in your area. Go to the meeting. It could help. And research on alcoholism. Understanding the disease and how our mind and body is affected by alcohol will help you understand what you are going through. Check out the big book online the link is www.aa.org/bigbookonline/eng/tableofcnt.cfm
Check it out. Read the doctor's opinion-very informative. Hey-you are not alone.

Pawn has a good point. I found alcohol research to be very compelling. It really does some bad stuff to your body. I won't get on my soapbox about Big Alcohol right now but I will say a bit about AA. I was terrified to go to my first meeting. The people there were *so* NOT judgemental. They knew exactly how I felt. I felt so comfortable by the end of the meeting I even shared a little of my own story.

i am the same as you. i didnt have a drink before work today and felt like i was going to vomit until 2 pm. then i drink to oblivion every night, lucky if i wake up in time for work.

this is a first step for me, hopefully it will bring me to getting a grip on my problem.

im scared, this could end me the way im going. ironically enough as it is i make wine for a living. never touch the stuff at work. i spit it after i taste it. as i evaluate the fermenting lots. scared non the less. i have a real problem that is comming to a real boiling point

Alcoholic will make you think they is nothing to live for, but it is the opposite of that. Alcohol messes with the thinking process.That's why they tell us don't make any major decisions for a year. Some ppl would rather die than go to a meeting, sounds crazy don't it,that's alcoholism.

Hi, Im on day 36 sober. I drank for 25 years. Always knew I had a problem. Tried to quit 100000 times by myself. Prayed to God to help me...36 days ago I thought i was going to die...kill myself from drinking. I told a friend who took me to an AA meeting. I was in complete amazement that there were other people like me!!! I could not believe it. I found this site and even more people like me. I go almost everyday to a meeting, I started reading the big book, got a sponser and still want to drink most days. But for some reason I don't. I feel like it is a miracle that I have made it this far. I cant think about staying sober for my whole life...it's overwhelming but I take it moment by moment, day by day. Sometimes I want to drink so bad I tell myself that I will after the meeting and then after the meeting I feel better and the urge is gone. I have been crying like a baby a lot because I am not used to feeling anything at all...I hate myself too. I feel like I am being judged too. But my hope is that the long time sober people in AA tell me that it will get better. I have had fleeting moments of (very fleeting) of sheer joy and gratitude that i am sober. I hang on that too. It seems the joy is slowing increasing and the desire to drink is decreasing. I understand how you feel. I really do. You are the only one who can determine if you are an alcoholic. But if you even think you are a little bit give AA try. I know it seems hopeless but you are alive and breathing and there is purpose and plan for your life that you don't understand now but one day you will. I don't know you but in so many ways I do. I will tell you the truth. Alcohol is not the lesser of the two evils...between feeling bad and drinking. Alcohol is cunning, baffeling and powerful. It is the greater of the two evils. Sober you may hate yourself and feel bad for a while but it's you...not a substance and it's your truth. And the truth about you is that you are worth it! You are valuable! You are a precious child of God who loves you and cares about you. You are here for a reason. You have already helped me because I read your post and I see myself in you and helps me stay sober. Keep coming back to this website...and I hope you will try AA. Take care!