hi ang

dont feel bad babe. i have cave 2nite. went 62 hrs then caved. ave cried as well. am sinlge mu wit 2 girls they got all they need just not me. i feel ashamed of myself. i dont deserve kids hun thats how i feel right noe. i have been in a postion like u b4. involved wit someone that supplies the drink n feel great at the time. sleep with them to feel loved cause thats all i know. i dont want to be like that. i wan to feel normal. im here for you ok babe.x

stay away from f%^$&(&ing Dan - love Les

lol les i agree. but it is not that easy wen ur a woman hun.xx

Yea you both are right. It's just he's like my only friend right now but I guess not really the best one to have. And it does lead him on a bit when I go and do stuff with him like that when I really don't want to see him anymore. I was 3 weeks sober and stopped seeing him and then this happens. thanks for support. this site does help alot to not feel alone.

I agree - stay away from Dan - but I have to add - stay away from booze. Darlin, you don't need to do anything but go to AA meetings - where there is an abundance of people that will be very good friends - and then you need to stop drinking. You are killing yourself - emotionally. Don't worry about your health, or all the things you need to get done - if you get sober and stay sober those things will get done or won't matter - either one. But for your sake and your son's sake - get your ass in gear and get to meetings. You don't have to say anything or do anything - just sit there and soak up what is offered. You don't have to have an instant higher power - you don't have to have anything - just show up. And as to the higher power thing - when I heard the word "Fuck" and "God" from the same mouth at the same podium - I thought - ok this I can listen to. Before that I had no use for God, higher power - anything like that. But please get yourself to a safe place. I used to do the exact same things you have done when drinking. I know the humiliation, fear, embarrassment - I've been there. I would wake up in the morning and be appalled at myself and wanted to face no one because I wanted to die. I had nothing but a green room to live in and could hardly stay in my own skin. Angela - you need help with your life right now - AA can give you a life beyond your imagination. You are a very bright woman - with a marvelous sense of humor and there is so much of you that you seem to have lost touch with. Go and find yourself again - you know she's in there. You can do this. Lindajean

Well - that was very preachy - sorry about that. I scared myself when I re-read the above. Angela - you do not need to go through this - and the easiest way to stop, in my opinion, is through AA. I wish you luck and I hope you find yourself.

I think you could help yourself from posting what you did. You said you have no hobbies, job or friends. Why don't you join a local club? What do you like? You could join a local group - which could develope into friendships. What about getting a job, even voluntary work? working in a charity shop? Hope this helps and I wish you all the best. Jen

Sweetheart, I have been there. No apologies needed for getting drunk. Most of us get it. Most of us understand that imperious urge to drink. As one male has said, "I drink to feel like a man looks," and I think women drink to feel like a woman looks ultimately.

That is the core. We don't believe in our true selves, in a sense of identity that is born of strength. But our Higher Power made us for greater things.

Let me recommend a fantastic book for women that is not AA-approved but might give you perspective: "Captivating," by Staci Eldgredge (co-written with her husband John, who wrote "Wild At Heart" for men). I've seen transformations in women who read it and embrace the love from God that is embodied in its text.

Hang in there. One day at a time. Add me as a friend if you want. I love you, and I haven't even met you yet.

PS: Your story with Dan sounds like my issue with Elise in college before I got sober. She was, well ... I found her repulsive as a person. She was arrogant, brash, self-centered, judgmental, and any hope of my being physically attracted to her was canceled out by that negative vibe she gave off.

Still, she would call me, needing to talk, inviting me over, and caretaker that I am, I would go. And she would always have beer, always my favorite brand, and it would be: "Have a beer, have another."

Next thing I know, I am drunk, she's undoing my belt, and later when it's over, I'm trying to get dressed and stagger out of there and I get the old, "So, just **** me and walk out, bastard!"

And like a fool, I would stay because I didn't want to be thought of as a bastard. And I would lie in bed next to her, listening to her complain and gossip about everyone in our department, feeling the lovely buzz of the beer diminish to nothing. I'd get up to get a beer, and she would toss out, "You just come over to drink my beer, is that it, bastard?"

So I wouldn't get a beer, and I'd ache all over for a drink as the buzz faded and her abrasive voice and bitter words dug into me like barbed wire.

When I got sober, I found the strength to tell her I could not continue with her, and she went out of her way to make my life hell for awhile.

But sometimes we gotta go through hell to get through heaven.

Stay sober. Love your son. Love yourself. And soon a man will come into your life who will love you around the world and back because he'll see all of you--not just the part that gets him off--and he won't be afraid to look, and he'll love every layer of you, even those undiscovered, because real men know that the sexiest part of a woman is between her ears, not her legs.

Don't drink, baby. Love yourself.

I once felt exactly how you do now. Looking back on it, I can't believe I was ever that miserable.
If you are REALLY ready to change, I would recommend FORMAL TREATMENT. Not just AA, there are people in AA who got better w/out formal treatent, but I found that the experience of being totally immersed in a safe treatment environment for a specified amount of time was what I needed in order to start the work on myself that needed to be done to get well. I know you have mentioned you are a parent, but if there is any way in the world you can have a family member or friend watch your kid(s) to allow you to go to get help, I would really recommend it.
The first resistance response is "I don't have the money". This is where my mind went, too. But I had money for years to buy booze and drugs and cover my living costs despite all the time I missed at work, etc etc. The cost of treatment, if it's successful (and that will be YOUR hard work) is a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime of addiction. And I am just talking financial costs. The emotional costs are immeasurable.
Good luck to you

i pretty much agre w/everyone here. especially Beth. In house treatment will give u an advantage u otherwise wouldnt have. plz check into it, i wanna here something "good" fr u really soon Aylarain! Godd luck darlin...

Don't hang out with Dan anymore. I have people in my life that always come over and drink and I usually cave in too. You just gotta not see him. You'll feel better in the next day or two. Just remember how shitty you feel right now and hang on to that feeling when you want to see him or drink again. Good luck.

Darlin - don;t drink and go to meetings.

your not alone you always have your higher power that keeps an eye on you anytime that you feel remorseful about drinking then you are getting closer to stopping . life will get betterjust keep on trying

Hey you:

I think I talked to you once before?


Boy I really have to think about this one, "Why did I get drunk again?" HMMMM

YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC, you say that you have nothing to do, sounds like you have plenty, sitting on your pity pot, feeling sorry for self, bet that hangover is fun, if I remember right I think I gave you some advice on how your son needs a mom, not some drunk laying on the floor, passed out, think when he brings friends home and they ask, he just tells them "oh that? It's just my drunk mom again, just step over her, she'll never know."

I try as hard as I can to be a nice person and help people, but when I try and they go back out then whine about how lousy they they feel, I just get the biggest smile, because that was me 8 years ago, "I GUESS I need to go to an A.A. meeting" This is no guess, GO, I'm trying to find some words of comfort but just can't seem to get them out of my mouth.

I "Shouldn't" have gone to Dan's? Face it it wasn't an accident that you ended up there, you had this planned for a while, you knew what you were going to do, he buys it for you? Huh, you already knew what was going to happen in the end.

I can't talk for anyone else, but I for one know that I don't want to go through the garbage again,but I never know, the bastard is just laying and waiting, and so far I haven't let the bastard win.

Now that I'm done, all I can say is get to meetings, get a sponsor, don't go just one a week, try for one or two a day, I'm sorry I was so hard on you, but when I hear someone say "I don't know how or why it happened, you know, you just don't want admit it, that you are not like everyone else, plus you're not unique, you're one of us, welcome to the club.

Remind me if I talked to you before, the name sounds familiar, and the part about your son does to.

Let me know how you're doing, again sorry for being so hard on you, but it's just my nature, this is the way my sponsor taught me, and I'm just passing it on, the same as Bill and Bob, did, all I can do is carry the message not the person.

DougC