HI all.. I have been "gone" a while..I quit my job recently due to my own low self esteem issues and couldn't take it any longer so I walked out. after 10 months of sobriety, I decided to drink.. I drank and never stopped.. been about 3 weeks now. so in my warped mind, I thought, well, the damage is done, so I will just "control" my drinking.. not drink until 3:00 or later.. not get drunk.. etc.. yeah right.. so I have been hiding this from my Dad who is a recovering alcoholic of 20 yrs.. he and I would go to a meeting every friday night togethor.. I have made excuses for the past 3 weeks and somehow got away with it.. yesterday he came over and I told him about my quitting my job,, he got tears in his eyes and said "he can see it coming again". I of course denied drinking and tried to appease him.. later last night he called and asked my point blank about drinking and I denied it.. he also really encouraged me to hit the meeting with him tonight and change my "plans" because isn't my sobriety more important than anything? Well, here I am this morning feeling depressed because yes, I am an alcoholic and a lier. I don't want to hurt my dad anymore ( my mom passed away recently and he is hurting from that too.. but I can see the pain I have already caused him and he doesn't even know the truth.. or does he? I know he is trying to help me and I know I need help.. I just can't bring myself to be honest and it's killing me slowly because I am living a lie.. what do I do? how do I get back on track? how can I get through this ? I am scared, I am ashamed and I am sad.. please, if anyone can help me I would really appreciate your advice.. thanks
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