ok, this is really hard to write. I have a 30 year old daughter who is estranged from me. She will not communicate at all, bc of the damage I did almost 15 years ago when I was drinking. I have been going to a therapist[craniosacral], and she said, my daughter would not be able to forgive me, unless I forgive myself. I thought I already let this go, then this blast of hatred from her[before we were NOT talking], and I realize that maybe I have NOT forgiven myself. And I dont know how. I know, go to the Higher Power,and I have, but do not feel any different. ANd there is a sadness in me, bc she is my youngest, and I dont want to lose her.Yes, I was a horrible mother for about 3-4 years, when my drinking was the worst. But what about before the drinking and my almost 15 years of sobriety.[doesnt that count for anything??] I am not the person, I was then. I am human, I made a mistake, a HUGE mistake, do I have to suffer the rest of my life for it? ok, I did not really mean to get on this track-I dont want to feel sorry for myself. I really do not have the answer to this, so am putting my SOUL out there for all to dissect-thanks
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