Hi, i am new to the board and was just wondering if someone can give me some much needed advice. I feel like I might still have an alcohol problem that I haven't dealt with completely. Im 23 years old and from the time i was 17 to 21 I have abused alcohol and would consider myself an alcholic. It got to the point when I was in counseling that my counselor had me scheduled to get on naltrexone where it would be impossible for me to drink without being horribly sick. I would be drinking pints of rum and at one point I was drinking a liter of vodka or tequila a day, all day. Anyways I eventually found out I was pregnant and quit drinking immediately. It was very early in my pregnancy luckily, and she is perfectly healthy. Being pregnant I stayed sober and got my life together and it was nice not waking up with hangovers everyday and remembering what I did the night before. I promised myself I wouldn't touch alcohol again and if I did I wouldn't let myself get to that point. I figured I was happy and wouldn't ever have a problem after that. Wrong. My baby is 2 months old and I love and adore her with all my heart and at night I have started drinking a bottle of wine, a whole bottle to relax and unwind from the day. I feel like i am obsessed with it and get through my day better knowing I will look forward to that buzz later. I usually crack the bottle after I put her to bed at 10 and than sit and watch a movie with my husband and finish it within the 2 hour period. Im worried this is a problem? I want to be the best parent for my daughter but am wondering if im just trying to justify my behavior saying she's asleep and its mommys relax time. I feel like im struggling and should not be obsessing all day about this damn bottle of wine. Also been so stressed and started dieting and have lost all my baby weight within the last 2 months. So basically I eat a little bit of lunch and than at night time i drink my wine on an empty stomach. I live on about 600 calories a day, give or take. I know this isen't healthy and I have suffered from an ed in the past. I need advice on what to do. I live on a small island and right now there is no counselors available and even if there was i'd be too ashamed because the clinic here doesn't keep confidentiality and talks about all their clients so I feel hopeless and i don't want people seeing me going to a counselors or thinking im an unfit mom. I try to put on a happy exterior and have a proffesional job and am very bubbly talking to people. I just dont want anyone knowing the real me because I feel miserable and sad all the time. Thanks for listening.