the nice clear cut road map is in the big book. if you want try meetings again and this time get a sponsor and work the steps. You seem a bit disgusted but you know what we have all been there. The important thing is you are back. Now get up and run with it. you may even want to consider an in house rehab to help you get over the rough spots and get your mind cleared up. God Bless

Don't give up the fight, your life is so worth it. I think this just means that feeling good after reading responses to your post isn't going to keep you sober.

Have you tried AA? If you're willing, I'd suggest 90 meetings in 90 days, that has multiple benefits. It gets you out there meeting other recovering drunks, gets you acquainted with a lot of meetings, saturates your mind with the tools for when it's about to take you. Recovery is one day at a time and there is no 'fast-forward' button to the gifts of sobriety. I'm being sincere, not sarcastic.

TIME...This I Must Earn. The journey of a million miles starts with the first step.

I considered it a success at first if I was sober more days than drunk. I couldn't get more than three days together. Don't beat yourself up. You are in good company and among friends here!
By the grace of the powers that be, and me, I haven't had to drink for a bit longer than that now. We only do this 24 hours at a time, Keep coming back!
BIG HUG!

Why do you think we had some sort of "clear cut road map"? It was just as tough for us as its been for you - you want to know what to do instead of drinking? Go to a meeting, call your sponsor, get up on here - ANYTHING but what you HAVE been doing. And stop putting yourself down - your attitude is setting you up for failure ( ie the title of your post ). Now that youve called yourself all those pleasant names, calling yourself an alcoholic shouldn't be bad at all - might even be a step up from what your saying about yourself now ! LOL Look, its NOT going to be easy, or quick, or certain - - but it CAN be better than you have it now; and if your not happy, we'll gladly refund your misery! LOL Be better to yourself - your worth it! God Bless Rusty22

this needs more input

if it makes you feel any better im always on and off the wagon and yep im drinking again too. i just sick of staying dry i think why cant i im an adult i can make my own decisions, whats so wrong with a couple of drinks and i talk myself into a frenzy and before you know it im back guzzling like no ones business. SECRETLY though but everyone knows.
i just get so sick of trying and denying myself at times. it just gets tooooo much

Do you have a Big Book? If not go to a meeting and get one.Pick it up and read the first 164 pages. Is this you? If so go to a meeting and keep going back. Find a sponser, get phone numbers, pick up the phone instead of a drink.
When I became mangled enough is when I decided I would resolve my problems. The road is in the book, but I have to choose to follow it.

okay this is hard for me becouse ive fallen to one more time this weekend iam so disapointed in my self becouse i have been around for so long have worked the program did in house im afraid im going to be like the one how helped everyone else but his self. So i wanted u to know that your not alone but im not going to role over and die. the one thing i Know i have not done was sais i cant but god can so im saying it now