I"m 44 days sober and I'm not used to being sober that long. I don't know what it's like to be three months sober in over 18 yrs. Anyway, lately I've been dealing with feelings alot. Just want to stay in bed all day and curl up under the covers. I woke up crying today and haven't really stopped. I do go to meetings, I do work on steps, I do pray and all that happy shit. I also take antidepressants. You're still gonna feel shit though right? I sure do. Everything hurts right now. I feel so much guilt and regret and sorrow for everything I went through, for all the misery alcohol has caused, for my son having to suffer because of me too. I"m so sorry for so many things. just so damn sorry I wanna puke. I guess it's just part of the healing process right? To feel so you can heal? Right now it's just overwhelming. So many things hurt me. I'll get through this and eventually be able to let it go and live in the present and take one day at a time making better choices, learning to forgive myself and move forward and in time my son will see that I'm getting better and maybe stop hating me so much. I know all this but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like shit now and just wanna curl up on the floor and cry my heart out over everything in the whole world.
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