Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
My son called me last night proposing to attend 3 AA meetings a week if he could come and live at my house. He's been evicted from his girlfriend's house and of course, this has been going on for a long time, so every time is the last straw. He had stopped drinking about a month ago, but I found out at least once, he was drinking again, even though he knows he has a problem. I've asked him to go to AA a number of times, get a sponsor, work the steps, etc., but he never does.
I know all about enabling and tough love, and how the alcoholic has to help themselves, etc. etc. (I've been going through this since he was 14) so I know how to sustain proper boundaries.
My question? Of those of you who are alcoholics, when do you feel it is apparent that you need help with living assistance, as opposed to when someone is just enabling you to continue? Where do you draw the real line? As rough as it has been, I've managed to keep him off the streets. He has lived in a tent, in his car, with "friends", at his dad's, his girlfriend's, and even with me, however shortlived. Always, when he leaves, he blames me for being intolerable, although I'm the one who stays away as much as I can to avoid watching him sleep all day, lay around and smoke cigarettes, talk to his girlfriend for hours on the phone, blah, blah, blah. If I even gently mention an AA meeting, he finds someone to come pick him up or he leaves, if he has any gas in his car, then blames me. I can't even stand to be around him, and this is my own son. He is without an empathy gene in his entire physiology and her personality and mental state have degenerated to an almost unrecognizable level.
He asked me last night if he could come live with me again if he attended 3 AA meetings a week, but I cannot trust him to do that. I told him I'd have to think about it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell him no.
Any perspectives, ideas, thoughts, suggestions? I struggle with having to turn away all the time, but I'm committed to preserving my own health too.
thanks in advance for any responses.
I know all about enabling and tough love, and how the alcoholic has to help themselves, etc. etc. (I've been going through this since he was 14) so I know how to sustain proper boundaries.
My question? Of those of you who are alcoholics, when do you feel it is apparent that you need help with living assistance, as opposed to when someone is just enabling you to continue? Where do you draw the real line? As rough as it has been, I've managed to keep him off the streets. He has lived in a tent, in his car, with "friends", at his dad's, his girlfriend's, and even with me, however shortlived. Always, when he leaves, he blames me for being intolerable, although I'm the one who stays away as much as I can to avoid watching him sleep all day, lay around and smoke cigarettes, talk to his girlfriend for hours on the phone, blah, blah, blah. If I even gently mention an AA meeting, he finds someone to come pick him up or he leaves, if he has any gas in his car, then blames me. I can't even stand to be around him, and this is my own son. He is without an empathy gene in his entire physiology and her personality and mental state have degenerated to an almost unrecognizable level.
He asked me last night if he could come live with me again if he attended 3 AA meetings a week, but I cannot trust him to do that. I told him I'd have to think about it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell him no.
Any perspectives, ideas, thoughts, suggestions? I struggle with having to turn away all the time, but I'm committed to preserving my own health too.
thanks in advance for any responses.
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Nobody wants to see there own family in trouble and this is the evil root of the matter.
I can only ask what I would do, to begin I would let them home, but if the situation was not improving I am afraid I would not have them back, not because that I do not love them, but because I do, sadly sometimes the only way to be kind is to be cruel, hopefully a bit of harshness would make them find there rock bottom and seek some serious help.
I might also say OK come home, but don't prommise to go to AA GO to AA, because if you do not you will find my front door shut and it will not open untill you find help. And yes I would shut it if he went wrong.
Nobody deserves the shit that an alcoholic gives especially his family.
These thoughts are me, you will just have to handle this the best way that you can, good luck
Trickey
Kudos to you for being strong, I know when it comes to children it's easy to talk the talk, it's walking the walk that's hard to do. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
i knew the gig was up with my parents when they finally said NO.
And then,,they dib;t answer the phone anymore...
I "knew" that they knew i was full of empty promises.
It was THE singlemost important thing they ever "did for" me.
God bless Jujube.
botbotcoco
www.londonppbbs.com
JW
Just read one of the other threads and it brought back a memory, My Son refused to see me when I was drunk, I was so proud, hated it but knew he was right, it was one of the big things that pulled me round, I now see him a lot sober.
As I said this is a tough one, and only you can truly decide
Good luck trickey
He knows me well enough to have taken my hint when I said I had to think about letting him come back here. He's worn out his welcome so many times already. I'm sure he just wants to get somewhere he's not being scrutinized so he can save face and drink a little (or a lot). The hard part is when he is sober he's a great guy -- or, at least he used to be. I am seeing more signs of brain cell damage and altered personality traits these days, and that is so painful.
Thanks for holding my hand and listening!!
And, thanks for being brave and getting sober!
After several rejections which broke my heart to do He finally admitted it and agreed to accept help. At first I did think he was just agreeing eith me so I would allow him to stay with me but it didn't matter because it put me in control and he had no option other than to go along with me. I took him to the doctors and got him medication to help deal with the withdrawals from alcohol and I also phoned ADAS the treatment centre and got him an appointment. He is now on a programme of recovery and has infact moved into their dry house so he is getting 24 hour support. To me this is a miracle as there was no way my son wanted to stop drinking he was happy to blame everyone else for his misery and wallow in self pity killing himself with drink. You have to be strong with your son and he needs to realize he is suffering from a two fold illness of the mind and body which will without doubt kill him if he's lucky if he isn't it will leave him with wet brain. Sometimes as mothers we have to be cruel to be kind.