SO I went to noon meeting today and CRIED. I have not cried since I got sober. I am NOT exagerating..not a tear. I came to this group this morning and wrote a post about my serious lack of serenity. Discussed how I had so much of my first year in sobriety. I emersed myself in AA that first year. I was happier than I have ever been in my life. God's honest truth. My second year...the pink cloud started to disappear. Still went to a shit load of meetings...but I had to start clearing away the "wreckage of my past". I am now in my third year and I am fucking miserable. I go to as many meetings as I can get to. I talk to my sponsor every day. I sponsor someone else. I do LOTS of service work. I do not have the desire to drink or use and I am grateful for that. But where the hell is the serenity? Seems the further I get away from my last drunk/drug use....the more miserable I get. Isn't it supposed to be the opposite? I fully understand that using would only further my problems and I have no desire to do that. But I feel terrible. So I went to a meeting and decided to keep my mouth shut...and suddenly I was introducing myself and SPEWING all of this. It felt great. Someone else called it "emotional puke". I actually feel better right now. Thanks for listening.
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