My father died 3 weeks ago. He had been a POW in vietnam and came back a schizophrenic. He tried to drink away the pain. And for 20 years had been sober. We discovered about a year ago he started again.So we moved home to try and help things. Then his mother died and things deteriorated. He tried to kill himself and my husband I had to save him, and we got him through a treatment program for 8 weeks he was gone out of town. He came back and so did his thrist. I was so very mean and hateful to him, even though i knew he couldn\'t help it and he was hurting. He wanted to live. He regretted trying suicide. The weekend he passed away he came to pick me up from work. he had been vomiting. he ran the car up over the curb really hard like he was drunk. I was so hateful to him. I cursed him and called him a fucking drunk. We figured out late sunday night that maybe he was detoxing. So we took him to the hosspital monday and he stopped breathing 4 minutes later. he had stopped drinking finally. He gave it up for me and my mom and the doctors said it killed him. his body was so accustomed to the alcohol that he needed it to live. his bowls ruptered, he bled to death internally a slow and painful death. I didn\'t beleive him when he told me he was sober. he did it for me. And it was the last thing he ever did. So i really know how bad you are hurting and how you must be blaming yourself. Even hating yourself. I know I still feel responsible. I could have taken him to the hospital if I had beleived he was sober. It\'s hard to forgive myself for that. He had such a hard life and was in so much pain physically and emotionally. He just wanted to not hurt anymore.
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