Okay, so this may be counterproductive to my sobriety and recovery, but I would love to know the opinions of others on this topic. First, thanks to this website, I am gaining some type of strength (mind you, I have never felt so alone right now and so vulnerable in my life due to what I believe alchohol has done to me) but there is something about admitting your problems that brings some type of clarity to the situation. With clarity, I see a silver lining at the end because I realize there is really a solution to my problem...stop drinking (sounds simple, but it isn't). I admit that I was drinking for a long time in my life, but it became absolutely ridiculous when the man of my life and dreams actually broke up with me and moved out of the country after five years. He literally stated that he loved me genuinely but could not afford to keep loving me anymore. He was stern and it almost seemed like he ran away from me. He would not see me in person out of fear that we would fall into the same pattern (yes, sex was my weapon of choice for me to apologize when I have done something wrong in a drunken embarassing stupor). I think I ruminate on losing him and then in turn continue to blame myself and I feel humbled (which sometimes is a trigger for me). But I often wonder, if someone really loved you, wouldn't they have stayed and tried to help or stick it out with you? I know this may be a selfish thought, but I often wonder. In vows when you marry, its "through sickness and health, till death do us part". I read a post written by a person who is not an alcholic but was with the one who was and it brought some clarity to the situation and a little guilt. But this person stayed until the very end. Thoughts?
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