I got sober when I was 17. I am now 38. I am dealing with other issues and meetings don't seem to help me anymore. I am dually diagnosed and just don't feel like I fit in in AA. Haven't felt like I belonged since my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and PTSD when I was 5 years sober. I feel like I am different, an outsider. I feel like AA is very closed-minded when it comes to problems other than alcohol. Bill W. himself suffered from depression. He tried LSD to treat it. Now if you take meds, you are not considered sober. So, where is somebody like me supposed to go? I can't talk in AA because what I am dealing with is not AA related. I feel like I don't want to go to meetings anymore and this scares me. I don't want to drink, I do not have the desire to drink but someone like me (dually diagnosed) is not accepted by AA.(because I take meds.)and have problems other than alcohol. It talks about people like me in "How it Works" ...people who suffer from grave mental and emotional disorders who have the capacity to stay sober if they are constitutionally capable of being honest with themselves. I sat in an AA meeting one night and the topic of meds came up (which never should have been brought up because of the controversy) and I sat there while people with supposedly long term sobriety and "recovery" pontificated about how people on meds were not sober. Why would I want to associate myself with a place like that. The majority of the people there were saying how meds were wrong. In my 20 years of sobriety I can not tell you how many times I have heard this and I am sick of it. Ah, hell I just don't know anymore. If I do go to meetings I have to keep part of myself secret and then I do not feel I am being true to myself. I cannot talk about my alcoholism without talking about my mental illness (I am dually diagnosed...they are connected). This brings me much sadness and depression. I feel isolated in AA. I have been to dual-diagnosis meetings but they are hours away and at odd times of the day. So, where am I supposed to go?
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