I have had about as much as I can handle in dealing with the alcoholic in my life. I don't know what decision is really in the best interest of myself and my children. I can easily tell him to get lost, and I know that would relieve much of the burden off of my shoulders, but would it create even worse circumstances for my children? I just don't know. Here's the story in as much of a nutshell as I can put it... When I met my boyfriend, he had been sober for some time. He was regularly attending AA meetings and spoke as if he really enjoyed them. There is a long story between then and now, but to jump to present day, we now have eight children between the two of us... He had three before we met, I had one prior, we broke up while I was pregnant with our son and he had one other child with his ex, we reunited and had a set of twins. During the time we were broke up, we had no contact with each other. When we reunited, about 1 1/2 yr later, I found out he was "occasionally" drinking. We ended up getting back together 5 years ago and had our twins 3 years ago. He did drink daily when we got back together, but when I got pregnant with the twins, it got much worse. He didn't want any more children, and at the time neither did I. I became pregnant and miscarried, then began taking the pill. However, within weeks, I became pregnant again, but in my tubes which was undetected and almost cost me my life. Within three weeks of surgery for the ectopic pregnancy, I became pregnant with my twins. The story behind that pregnancy is quite different than the way he explains it to his friends/family. More or less, he implies that I became pregnant on purpose. The bottom line is, he became very very angry with me because I couldn't find it in my heart to have an abortion. (Although at a prior time in our relationship, we had discussed the topic and his exact words were "I could never be with a woman who would have an abortion") I felt that I had given him that option the morning after when I insisted on going to the clinic for a morning after treatment and he ridiculed the idea and told me that we had much more important things to spend $50 on. So, as the pregnancy continued, his drinking became worse. He would spend one day rubbing my belly and talking to the twins, and the next day telling me how much I had ruined his life. On the day the twins and I were released from the hospital, he was about 3 hours late picking us up and finally showed up drunk with our son riding in the back seat. Within the next few weeks, he began sleeping in another room and I was content with that. I was fully prepared to do the single mother thing and wasn't scared a bit. However, after about 6 weeks or so, he moved back into the bedroom and we slowly began to work things out. He professed his love and said he wanted to get married. Within days of that conversation, I found out he was cheating on me with a girl who was actually the same age as his oldest child (over 18 of course). Thus began the roller coaster ride through hell. She of course, denied knowing anything about me and immediately apologized and said she would back out. Of course, she didn't. Every time I turned around, I would find something that proved he was going out drinking with her, going to movies, meeting her at various locations around town. Then, I found out there was another young girl whom he worked with, that he was also cheating on me with. We went through many drunken nights, arguments, and even std's!! Then, one night after a horrible argument over the telephone, he called home about 3:30 am and I could barely understand him through his slurred speach. He insisted that he was coming home, because he wanted to be with me and his children and I tried to insist he stay where he was, but he hung up on me. I immediately knew what was going to happen next, and forwarded the home telephone calls to my cell phone and dressed the children, and placed them in the car and headed in the direction that I suspected he would be traveling. Sure enough, my cell phone rings shortly after I headed out. It was him, he was calling home collect from a gas station, he said there had been an accident. When I drove up, he had blood dripping from his head, his arms, and his legs. When daylight hit, I headed out to find the car and located it overturned in a ditch. Its actually a wonder anyone survived the accident. Of course, being the typical enabler that I have found I am, I reported the car stolen. However, I am not one who can justify insurace fraud, so I dropped the case and am still paying monthly payments for the vehicle despite the fact that its now gone. After the crash, he became very attentive to family. He now says he was wrong for what he did/said while I was pregnant and he actually IS a wonderful father to ALL of his children. He is dedictated to all of his kids and spends every minute with them. He voluntarily gave his cellular phone up to me, so that I could see that he was through with his cheating ways and began spending virtually every moment that he wasn't working at home. However, that doesn't fix the fact that there are now an abundance of issues beneath the surface. Although over the last year, he has turned in to this great "family man," he still drinks excessively. I finally demanded that he doesn't drink in the vehicle and that I do all of the driving if he has had even so much as one drink. However, when he picks me up from work, I can sometimes smell a stinch of alcohol in the vehicle and immediately take possession of the drivers seat, which of course normally starts an argument. He is at the point right now where he can easily down a 12 or 18 pack of beer in one evening, doesn't care about asking the three year olds to go retrieve one from the refrigerator, and doesn't think he has a bit of a "problem." Last night, along with his 12 pack, he downed a pint of Crown. I feel like I have to babysit and I hate it. He accidentally played too rough with our son and kicked him right in his front teeth. He got in a nasty argument with my 12 year old, who has called him "daddy" since she was 7 and told her that she was no longer of importance to him and she could cry on my shoulders because he didn't like her attitude. He even told me that I was ruining our family because I spend more time working on my homework for school than paying attention to my children and that he does everything around the house. Of course, when he's sober, although he still has a bit of an abrasive personality, he sings a much different tune. This cycle is just getting worse and worse and he refuses to admit there is a problem and/or get help. I know its easy to say "kick him out" and I don't really have a problem with that. However, my fear is two things... my kids are very family oriented, this will impact them emotionally which I can handle for the most part but also, he would of course, get visitation with the children at which time I will have no way to oversee the activities and ensure they are safe. Also, I'm one who places strong value on commitment, if I commit myself to a relationship, I feel that I should commit myself to the hardships that go along with it. However, I don't know if I can stand it much longer. Any and all advice would be very very VERY helpful and appreciated!
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