I am with Bigbear.

I have wanted to do this many times in my early sobriety and did, tentatively, try it on occassion and was so deflated with the response. I am now working with my sponsor to work up to this.

Why set yourself up for heartache when you do not need it? IMO, put all your energy into staying sober 'one day at a time'.

Yesterday is history, today is a gift and tomorrow is a mystery :)

just speak from the heart. i know it sucks to make yourself vulnerable but its something you should do

bear & bear made good points though. when you start to make calls like that you need to be strong enough to handle the possible outburst's

Focus on yourself first. get yourself straight and THAN move on to everyone else.

words can be devastating, but they can also be meaningless. the best way to show people you are serious about sobriety is to be sober. and show them that

I checked your profile, but didn't see how long you have been sober.
I worked closely with a sponsor on the steps and didn't rush my amends. once you work through the 4 & 5 steps...and become WILLING to make amends. I waited until I had been sober for awhile and then only made amend face to face..As far as the backlash goes, I found most people very happy to see me getting healthy. A few may not want to hear your amends, at which case you have done all that is required of you. If someone chooses not to accept your amends, then the ball lands in their lap....not yours. As I was told in my AA meetings....you only pay the phone bill once

Hiya, welcome to the site! I don't know what you are doing to stay sober other than just not drinking as you profile is a bit short on onfo!! LOL

I got sober through AA and the 12 step recovery programme has a specific step with which to deal with amends owed. At the moment, you cannot be sure that you will not drink again, therefore, it is possible that you will behave badly.

It is better to wait before you do some apologising, you've probably had to apologise to people before and this one won't be any different if you do it now.

I understand this desire to put everything right immediately but this desire is born of selfishness because it's about you wanting to feel better - to purge yourself of the guilt, shame and remorse. If you hold back for a while you will be able to make amends to people with the right motives - this will enhance your spiritual condition.

If you haven't already, please do give AA a try and if I can help in any way just pm me!

Lyn

when I first sobered up, I felt so much guilt, shame & remorse. I was in AA but was in a hurry to feel better

I went to the same people I always apologised to say "I'm sorry". One of them said "sit down, I'm gonna tell you how sorry you really are"

Please, don't be in a hurry. The results will most likely not "go your way".

If you haven't tried AA, as mentioned above, please go to a meeting. What have you got to lose by trying it? Godspeed

omg. done it both ways better to just show by example. no geniuis but i know the pain.......

I have to add my concerns about making amends at this point in your sobriety. While we are still in our disease, friends and family hear countless apologies and promises that it will never happen again. Only to have it happen time and time again. You are setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration. The best amend to make is what is called by some a "living amend".

A living amend is an unspoken change in your way of live and behaviour. It is about action speaking louder than words. Want to apologize to friends and family? Instead, SHOW them that you are taking action and changing.

One of the steps of AA is to make amends to all persons we had harmed and this is done with the guidance of a sponsor. (I can only speak to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous because it is the only thing that got be sober).

If you decide to go through with apologies, don't make any promises. Just own up to your "asshole-ish" behaviour.

Good Luck, Michele

The steps are in order for a reason. Your sponsor will help you through this when the time is right.
The person you were when you were drinking is not the person you are when you are sober. God bless!

im sorry but God forbid i've been there. always tell myself "no more of that crap" and then i do it all. over again. i honestly want peace but war has loomed so large in my life. i hope i continue to grow with this program. i believe so much in it i can finally let the bullshit, the junk, the crsp and the anquish of being ME for God's sake alone.

Hi Sera,

Please know that taking your amends to any harmed person, including yourself is nothing to have shame with. You are a flawed human being like the rest of us. No on deserves our shit when we go funky. I never believe that these situations when bad things happen are meant to hurt and destroy. However, I think anyone acknowledging this in any way shape or form is showing soulful and mindful growth. It's tough but you will be so happy that you did and hopefully they will too.

The main thing sister, is let God be in control!

Hi, Sera,

I suggest starting with the changes to yourself. Don't be in a big hurry to try to "fix" the past. Without changing who/what we are today, we cannot change the context for viewing the past, and cannot change how the past projects into today.

My experience parallels ScarletAngels. I did the 8th and 9th steps in AA. By the time I did them, I had changed enough of my behavior (and been sober awhile), that it wasn't received (by most) as an empty promise. Instead, it was a reinforcement of the living amends they had seen already.

Phil

You all are right. I suppose I am doing this all for immediate gratification of some type. There's just this part of me that wants to rush to be better! I keep finding myself talking myself down, saying "SLOW DOWN SERA. WAIT. ONE DAY AT A TIME"

I just hate feeling how I had been feeling for so long.