Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Been with an alcoholic husband for 5 years. At first he drank Jim Beam and beer. Now he has "graduated" to just beer; every night of the week.
We have a family, and a business and at the end of every hard-working day, he picks up a sixer (and a few tall boys) on the way home and sits on the couch to drink every last sip until he passes out. On weekends, the fridge is full of twelvers... This didn't bother me until the full reality that SOMEONE has to keep up with the baby, household chores and overall maintenance of our daily lives, set in.
He hails from a long line of alcoholic men but is absolutely convinced that he has a handle on it. No, he does not beat me. No, he does not miss work. No, he does not hang out at bars. He calls himself a "professional drinker"... his definition being: an alcoholic who can drink as much as wanted but who does not neglect the other things in life. Right. In other words - he'll never get AA treatment.
My best friend just came back from CA where she was in rehab and has been sober for 15 months!! I am so proud of her, I can't stand it. She insists that al-anon is just the thing to get me to see alcoholism as it truly is - an illness that will never heal.
I have attended one meeting where everyone introduced themselves and sort of summarized their stories. Then a speaker said a few words of encouragement and offered some reading/studying materials. The problem is, however, that I left a little more bitter than when I went in....
It would seem that al-anon is to support and encourage loved ones who have to deal with alcholic family & friends, and to get a better understanding of what they are dealing with.
I am totally prepared to hear that I am the one with a bad attitude here, but after sitting through all of these wonderful, hard-working sad peoples' stories - people who don't even smoke cigarettes - I grew resentful and angry that all of us at al-anon were the ones having to deal with the harsh reality of our loved ones' "sickness." Well.. BULLSHIT!
If an alcoholic spouse or family member sees no need to attend an AA meeting, much less think sobriety for the rest of their lives, how is it FAIR that we remaining (wives, husbands, children, brothers, sisters) are forced to be taught to have an open mind and work on "understanding" the illness of alcoholism, and coping???
Realistically, all we non-alcoholic spouses are not willing to offer an ultimatum. Nor are we willing, necessarily, to do all the work that is required to help an alcoholic see the error of their ways! HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT ANYWAY? Is the safety of children at night and the happiness of a wife/husband not enough??
Anyway, in summary, I wonder if Al-Anon is more to encourage non-alcoholics to adjust their attitude towards life with alcoholics, because in the end, we are fighting a losing battle, are we not???
Perhaps it would be easier to simply teach us how to smother our spouses in their sleep, without a struggle....
We have a family, and a business and at the end of every hard-working day, he picks up a sixer (and a few tall boys) on the way home and sits on the couch to drink every last sip until he passes out. On weekends, the fridge is full of twelvers... This didn't bother me until the full reality that SOMEONE has to keep up with the baby, household chores and overall maintenance of our daily lives, set in.
He hails from a long line of alcoholic men but is absolutely convinced that he has a handle on it. No, he does not beat me. No, he does not miss work. No, he does not hang out at bars. He calls himself a "professional drinker"... his definition being: an alcoholic who can drink as much as wanted but who does not neglect the other things in life. Right. In other words - he'll never get AA treatment.
My best friend just came back from CA where she was in rehab and has been sober for 15 months!! I am so proud of her, I can't stand it. She insists that al-anon is just the thing to get me to see alcoholism as it truly is - an illness that will never heal.
I have attended one meeting where everyone introduced themselves and sort of summarized their stories. Then a speaker said a few words of encouragement and offered some reading/studying materials. The problem is, however, that I left a little more bitter than when I went in....
It would seem that al-anon is to support and encourage loved ones who have to deal with alcholic family & friends, and to get a better understanding of what they are dealing with.
I am totally prepared to hear that I am the one with a bad attitude here, but after sitting through all of these wonderful, hard-working sad peoples' stories - people who don't even smoke cigarettes - I grew resentful and angry that all of us at al-anon were the ones having to deal with the harsh reality of our loved ones' "sickness." Well.. BULLSHIT!
If an alcoholic spouse or family member sees no need to attend an AA meeting, much less think sobriety for the rest of their lives, how is it FAIR that we remaining (wives, husbands, children, brothers, sisters) are forced to be taught to have an open mind and work on "understanding" the illness of alcoholism, and coping???
Realistically, all we non-alcoholic spouses are not willing to offer an ultimatum. Nor are we willing, necessarily, to do all the work that is required to help an alcoholic see the error of their ways! HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT ANYWAY? Is the safety of children at night and the happiness of a wife/husband not enough??
Anyway, in summary, I wonder if Al-Anon is more to encourage non-alcoholics to adjust their attitude towards life with alcoholics, because in the end, we are fighting a losing battle, are we not???
Perhaps it would be easier to simply teach us how to smother our spouses in their sleep, without a struggle....
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
And btw... i am sorry that you have had to deal with having a person that oyu should be able to lean on as a drinker instead.
Alanon is NOT going to gve you tools to get your husband to stop drinking...
Here is a suggestion for you if you are WILLLING to attend another meetings with AN OPEN MIND...
At the next meeting u attend,,, ask the chairperson to go over the "3-C's"...
Trust me...you NEED to hear this asap..
God bless..
botbotcoco
Sometimes if one partner decides to do something other than talk and argue, the other partner may begin to think, so no it's not a losing battle, maybe a battle that has just begun.
Try a few more meeting, its what I would do.
Lots of luck
trickey
You have very good reason to be mad, but if your husband ever decides to get help it would have to be a decision that he comes to on his own; everyone around him could tell him he has a problem but it won't mean anything to him unless he decides that himself.
If you read my profile, you'll see that I've been on both sides of this. Alcoholism is a terrible disease that not only destroys alcoholics, but brings families down with them.
I hope I've been helpful.
One of my favorite parts of one of the readings tells me that "rosebushes might have thorns but, thorns also have roses."
It also makes homelife easier for the children if there is less stress and arguing. It's really hard to carry on an argument if no one argues back. [The Serenity Prayer is very helpful] Also if you are so angry you're about to spit nails, go beat the hell out of your pillows, at least you'll have fluffier pillows.
I have found one of the best way to stop an argument is to say "you might be right" if you need to with your fingers crossed. You might as well beat your head up against a stone wall as to argue with a drunk. The next day you're still going to be angry and he won't remember a damned thing.
I managed to stay sober 9 years before I left him. That is a decision you'll need to make yourself.
Just my opinion. :)
For lastlaugh: i do understand what you're saying about it being your problem too. If you want heat and electricity for your home you need to be sure the bill is paid. I enabled my other half through nine years of my sobriety. That's why I left; thinking he would need to take on some responsibility for his actions. I was wrong. He found a better enabler, his mom. She paid all his bills so he didn't even have to go to work. Now he is under the care of Hospice for cirrosis. If some lady hadn't ran a stop sign and plowed into the drivers door on my car [I was on my way to a meeting] I would not have had the money to get a place of mine own through the insurance settlement. I thank the God of my understanding at least once a week for her talking on her cell phone.
Just hang in there.